Whoa... Seniorism.
09/08/2004 05:59 a.m.
Whoa. Seniorism. I walk in to school, and suddenly, SUDDENLY, there is no one above me. I mean in age ya sure, but otherwise no. Crazy feeling I say. In other news, me and Barbara are having a talking with Lisa Sunde after school tomorrow. Should be fun. Leah told me this crazy story today too about how in the month when Jan was leaving she missed her rag entirely then got it back the next month. Sorry to all you males out there reading this, but if you're not old enough to realize lifes little realities, you probably shouldn't be reading. Anyways, that story blew my socks off for no reason other than the fact that that can happen. Whoa. Life's little shockers today. Oh, another shocker, Tim called my house to tell me he was coming over at 10 this morning. Fair enough, it was 9:44, time enough for me to get decent (smelling and looking) so that I wouldn't have to answer the door in a robe with smeared mascara. So he came and I was literally shocked to see him again, because it was just like last year, minus the bad hair. Well, not JUST like last year. There's a change in the atmosphere that I'm am throroughly appreciative of. I'm sure Jordan is too. I went to my first college class tonight. Whoa. Intense. I was expecting a dumbed down version for all of us little highschool kids. Well "all of us little highschool kids" turned out to be 6. In a class of 30. I was like (8-O)!!!
Turns out its a journalism class, not so much poems and essays and stories like I thought. Oh well, as always, I'm pretty determined to prove myself. I have more than enough on my plate to prove myself by.

On another note, I've said it before, but I don't think I really could be any more in love with Jordan than I am right now. Yesterday I was afraid of being alone when he left, for reasons he would understand but not many others would. But when I was with him... everything was better. Everything was lighter and so much more ok. I thought about it, and we spent over 12 hours in eachothers company. And I loved it. Even just chilling late at night, with him playing my grandmothers guitar. He's the only other person i trust with it, aside from myself. I'm still always skittish when anyone else is touching it, but with him it's easier. He gives me so much courage. Yesterday we went to get jordans haircut (a long freakin walk) but the barber was closed. So instead of letting it be a waste of a trip, I said "lets go in the petstore. We saw a boa constrictor in the pet store and I secretly wanted to hold it but was way to chicken shit at first. But Jordan, as always the more daring one (although I like to think i'm less squeamish than alot of girls, especially with thinks like bugs and spiders and things) agreed to hold it first. It was beautiful. Snakes are truly spectacular creatures. This one was a baby, four feet long. Hewalked around the store with it, and later, I got enough courage to wear the pretty thing. I was nervous, but I did it, and its a feeling like no other. It's something I've always wanted to do. I like how I helped make the trip less of a waste of legs and Jordan helped me make the most of our trip in the pet store. He does that too me. He makes me feel safe and protected and cared for. He doesn't solve all my problems. I know that he wouldn't be with me if he thought I needed all my problems SOLVED by someone else. A person should do that on their own. But he helps me when I need it, and knows when to let me walk the tightrope alone. We keep eachother safe and sane. We talk about anything we want to talk about. I can tell him everything and anything I'm afraid of. I can to atest to the fact that he is, a very extraordinary guy and even moreso as a boyfriend. He does and says things he doesn't have to because he loves me. And he knows that he doesn't have to do any of it. [Thank you. I love you for who you are and for being so much more than I ever would have expected.]

And in no way can I leave out my friends right now. i can't believe them. any of them (the near and the far ;)). You guys lift me up and tolerate my gushing. Don't feel ousted. Believe me, I gush about you guys to him too. You guys make me believe that not all girls are stupid twinks that are dumber than sacks of hammers. You guys are such a relief. You're there when I call and give me such a good laugh and make me soar. Most of you eat bacon with me. Those who don't are cool in other orange ways. :P.


One more thing ("why's it my fault" no.)
...We got Annie ;)
I am currently Cool
I am listening to Rex