Jealousy - that mean old dog
08/20/2004 06:59 p.m.
Jealousy is an important and prevelant topic in my life at the moment. I find myself, in poetry workshops in my grad program, listening to XXX read his/her poem and thinking to myself, "I suck. His/her poems are so much better; I'm too YYY or too ZZZ. They're just right. I should just give up."

Pretty extreme, wouldn't you say? Yet how many of you have felt that way?

I am a big fan of Natalie Goldberg and I'm currently listening to an audiotape of her in conversation with Julia Cameron, another writer/teacher. The interviewer asked what they thought of jealousy. Paraphrased, of course, here is what they said:

[when you hear a poem that makes you think that you are a bad poet... do not think that way... instead, be appreciative of having heard such a poem, a new sort of poem for you, and silently thank that person for leading you in the right direction of what type of poem you'd like to try one day. ]

It may sound all hoytie-toytie and mushy and even new-agey, but I really understand that. Other peoples' success shoudln't infringe upon our own. If anything, jealousy should be a fire that gets under us and gets us going.

"Hear how good that poem was?" Psyche says. "Now go home and try what that person did."

If anything, you'll be trying something new. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And if it does, your new successful poem owes a lot to that person you were jealous of.
I am currently Proud
I am listening to the fan blowing in back of me