Back to school!!!
08/18/2004 08:09 p.m.


I'm going to be a student again! YAY!! I can't wait! Though, I'm ashamed to admit that I FLOPPED my math placement test. I don't have to go ALL the way back, but TWO classes before I can take the one that will count toward my Nursing Degree. Ack! Double Ack!! It's alright, though, I actually love math. I just forget.....let's see.....what DID I forget? Oh YA!!! THE STUFF I NEVER USED!!!! (Why I have to take it AGAIN I don't understand, but I managed to understand it the first time around, so I'm willing to go there again!!!)

I feel so giddy!! Since I'm still working full time, I'm only taking two classes, for goodness sake!! Math (I have to physically attend that class) and Sociology (I get to take that one online...but I don't know if I really like the idea of an online class. How do you get to know your instructor? How do you have class discussions? How do you gauge what the instructor wants if you can't watch him interact with the other students? Hmmmmmm......) It should be interesting at any rate!

Life is going well. John and I are considering re-uniting (dragging his butt back OUT of the Nobody Bin....LOL!!!) Seriously, though, it's like getting to know a different person entirely. This man is peaceful. He's surrendering daily to God's will in his life, something I NEVER would have thought possible. He was the MOST self-willed, selfish person I had ever met. Of course, time will tell. And time is something I have plenty of, so it's easy to give it time.

I've felt pretty horrible lately for the relationship seeking I did during our separation, but I honestly thought I was a free woman, free to pursue things as a single person might. I had placed myself in the "I'm not bound to my marriage because I'm filing for a divorce" category. Now I'm wondering if such a category (morally speaking) truly exists. If I could have a do-over, I certainly wouldn't advocate finding or creating such a category. The consequences have been pretty painful all around. Last month, when pulling the plug on my marriage was halted at the last minute (just shy of its last breath since I already had the divorce papers filled out and simply had to go file them) I cut off the "potential" romances (I never did officially begin any real romance with anyone, just alot of conversation and one brief but intense encounter). Looking back, I think it wasn't fair of me to extend myself the way I did. I'm grateful I never actually...well...you know...but if I'd had any notion AT ALL that my marriage might have been saved, I would NEVER have even had conversations!!! Moral of the story, since apparently I just didn't KNOW, I shouldn't have PRESUMED anything. I feel so very very sorry if anyone was hurt! It may be giving myself more importance than I actually had in those conversations, but just in case, it should be said.


I am currently Embarrassed
I am listening to someone tearing through my "Love Gone South" folder