STOP : Aug.11th,2004.
08/11/2004 05:10 p.m.




STOP. This is not just a word. Not any more.

I have been using it every now and then but I have never applied it as MANTRA.

STOP. Yes, it’s a MANTRA and like any MANTRA one shall have to practice and realize it. The vibrations are good and there’s an abruptness besides my positive association with it that I have built and suddenly gave a new meaning to it. I am using it quite frequently now. To STOP the happenings from taking their own course. From STOPPING the automata inside to take control of me. To STOP internal dialoging.

STOP. This habitual self will not stop easily. Years of reinforcement and umpteen associations externally gives him enough power to surmount any STOP. Hahaha. Yes, He wants to smoke. And I am bent upon to use my newfound MANTRA.
STOP. Well, the end results isn’t that bad. I made him STOP. At first instance I held him for five minute in oblivion. At second, I forgot to smoke. Well, it’s a different issue that when I remembered smoking again I did not stop even for one second. He was I and there was no one to STOP him.

STOP. I stop shaking my legs waiting for some one while indulged in my nonsensical mechanical blah blah.

STOP. Oh! This self won’t STOP easily. He seems so charged. The bait is too strong and energies so powerful. I had to call STOP seven times to stop him from indulging in that alluring daydream.

This MANTRA should be used with this belief that this simply means STOP, a brake. This means you have to abruptly jump from the mood to the other. This means stop and take inventory of your stocks. This means walk out of your mind and become part of the space for a while. This means just STOP.

But how do I stop the man sitting before me blabbering non stop of the old days, of the acquaintances dead and alive, of the incidence and experiences which are meaningless as much as they were in retrospect? How do I stop him when I am too so much involved in this waste-deriving pleasure? I am too involved to stop.

STOP. This did work. Suddenly I want him to go. But my civility stops me from asking him.
I was just about to offer him another cup of tea but now I shall not. I suddenly feel indifferent. I find that he did realize this without my saying. He asked me if he was disturbing my routine, my work. Well, not exactly, I say but yes, I have lot to do before I leave and I point at the scattered files on my table watching him watching me watch my watch. He leaves.
STOP, I utter loudly no sooner he leaves my office and I am back to my unfinished paper work. The MANTRA worked.
I order for my tea.




I am currently Playful