Why should it matter to me?
07/23/2004 02:17 p.m.



‘Why should it matter to you? – Point blank, I was asked.

Why should it matter to me?
When the drink starts drinking you and the smoke begins conceiving smoke screen between you and YOU, why should it matter to me?
May I ask you, why should it matter to you, so as to hide YOUR face, besmeared with shame and guilt, behind this very question, weak and powerless?
But I will not ask you.
I will ask my self- why should it matter to me?

But before I arrive at any palatable answer, I must find out why am I feeling so weak? Why should it matter to me to feel weak?
Why am I feeling as if it is my defeat, as if my entire struggle has come to a stand still? Why should it matter to me to feel pinch of this small defeat? Why am I feeling let down, a right and a left on my mouth?

Why am I struggling to get up and start another battle, despite a part of me leaving the field and hiding behind the smoke screen?

I know there are ups and down in a war and I am prepared to treat this as a strategic retreat. But only if one is determined to rise and pounce at the enemy with one’s might.

Am I ready for this?
But let me search out my sleeping part hiding behind the smoke screen and ask- why should it matter to me?