this thing
07/18/2004 07:51 p.m.
i can't wait to go camping, and the mountains are a week away from me yet. and ryan, too, a week away, my dearest friend in this silly life i have fabricated and concocted. i have a place in me where i can hide from the passions and violence and drawn-out agonies of humanity and the world around me; i can go there and be happy. it is my truest self, i have started to imagine. and it just so happens that ryan is there, too. whether a figment of my imagination or that he has the same place in his life as i have, it's so. when we were together, that was what made it so perfect, i theorize to myself. and it makes me glad to be alive. it also deludes me into the belief that someday i will really be happy, when we can share that place again and always. but right now, when i think of him, i'm absorbed in the pursuit of simple friendship. it seems strange to have to work so hard at something as simple as a friendship that is so perfect; but so far it's impossible for me not to love him, even after a year and a lifetime. if i consider, i do not believe in the preordained, the supernatural...but what am i supposed to think, when confronted with this thing that is us? i must get to the center of it. i love it.
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.......