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The Journal of Ashok Sharda I am sad: July 17th, 2004.
07/17/2004 04:13 p.m.
I am sad: July 17th, 2004.
I am sad. The sadness is pushing me in, providing me an opportunity to sit with my self and think. And not think. I want this sadness to become me. I want this sadness to permeate my world within. I want this sadness to embrace me for my life.
The cause of this sadness is the casual approach of a person, so special to me, to an issue, which is serious in my view and not like deciding what one shall have in a break fast. But then its matter of point of view and this person has all the right to approach any issue in whatever manner this person likes. This point of view of mine towards the point of view turns this sadness into a generalized sadness, into a beautiful sadness, which is fearless.
And now this fearless sadness is enticing me to be in it. I can feel the beauty of this sadness. I think I should feel grateful to this person, so special to me, for becoming cause of this sadness. This sadness is so alluring that I want all my friends, and there are not many, all my well wishers to give me nothing but sadness as and when its possible for them to. I do feel grateful to this person.
I wish I could perpetuate this sadness.
I am currently Sad
I am listening to Fearlessness.
| Member Comments on this Entry |
| Posted by Rula Shin on 07/17/04 at 06:45 PM Grateful? Funny. I want to say something, but I can't. I only want to disappear forever. Casual approach to a serious issue...or maybe it's something else entirely. Maybe unworthiness, maybe...mediocrity. Maybe, a lost cause. Bye.
I am not who I want to be. I just want to lay down and sleep forever...sadness is 'good' you say, revel in it fearlessly you say...but now...I am so afraid. And I despise and hate once again, myself. No good no good. In any case, I think, for once in a long time, I am alone again, and I ...throw myself to the lions. Goodbye. |
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| Posted by Michelle Angelini on 07/17/04 at 09:47 PM Sometimes out of my greatest sadness come the greatest beginnings. Remember, other emotions exist in our kalidescope - maybe today deep blue, but maybe in 5 hours or a day, bright orange. Listen to some upbeat music - Celtic or world music always does it for me. |
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| Posted by Rula Shin on 07/17/04 at 10:29 PM Oh that last word is not meant to be "goodbye" but 'good journal entry...I am ver happy for it' :-) |
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| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 07/21/04 at 10:03 PM But Ashok, does not this person have an eternity of lifetimes and dramas with which to live the issues, serious or casual? They're (decisions) all "small potatoes" in the big field of casuality, are they not? Anyway, I will be sad with you if you like. I would be with you anway. |
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