I'm Not Sure That This Feels Right...
04/25/2004 02:53 a.m.
T is here... He has been since yesterday...and I probably couldn't even list all of the things he has done this weekend to piss me off. Our two year anniversary is Tuesday. I got him something...He didn't get me anything... Now..a gift is not that important... but then he leaves this morning to go get a haircut and pick up some shorts from his moms... OK so I figure.. he leaves at 9:00 am... so he should be back by noon at the latest... Takes about a half an hour to drive each way... so there's an hour... and then about an hour to get a haircut and an hour with mom... T comes back to my apartment at almost 2 pm. Now knowing that he forgot that it was our anniversary and didn't get me anything (unless he just didn't give a damn) and knowing that he took FOREVER to get his haircut today... You'd think he'd stopp and pick up flowers or SOMETHING to prevent me from getting pissed off... NOPE... He did stop somewhere though... at the health place to pick up some fucking protein for himself!

You know... he took off a day of work to spend time with friends... But when I fucking ask him to take off a day so we can go away for a weekend... does he?! No! I can't take this shit anymore... I don't think that anything he has said or done this weekend has made me feel better about us...Everything is pushing me closer and closer to wanting to snap out on him... Why the fuck do I bother?!! Why the fuck do I put myself through this bull shit OVER AND OVER AGAIN?? AND FOR HIM?? THE PERSON WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT MADE ME FEEL LIKE THE FUCKING DIRT ON THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOE FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS??!

You know.. he never used to make me feel this way... Hell go back to the first few entries of this journal and You'll see that he treated me like gold.. He actually cared... Now its like he doesn't even want to bother... Well fuck him!!!! I don't have to do this anymore... I don't have to feel like my heart is getting ripped out every single time I TRY to fix things... I fucking bought the pizza for dinner last night... and the food for dinner today... and I drove to the movies... Now when I was in NJ last...we SPLIT the pizza and dinner and EVERYTHING... so why the hell do I do it? Do I somehow think that by doing whatever he asks or trying to suck up and be the perfect little girlfriend is going to change things?? Am I crazy?? This won't change shit... This makes him disrespect me even more...

Damn it... I loved him SOOO much... why the fuck did he have to go and turn into an ASS?? Just like the others... Just like the others... And I thought he was different...

I guess I was wrong...
I am currently Angry
I am listening to some stupid tv show T is watching