Easter Time
04/12/2004 12:21 a.m.
So it's Easter...and here I am typing in my journal. I truly wish I could have spent today with T, but it was an impossibility I suppose. He said that he could not invite me over because he would be leaving super-early since his mom has work tonight. Super-early...? Then why is it 8:15 pm and he isn't home yet? I just wish he would be honest with me. Just say..."Mel...I jsut don't have time for you. I just don't want you around. I just don't love you anymore." Okay...maybe I am overreacting on that one and blowing things out of proportion yet again, but damnit...that's how he makes me feel anymore. And I know he says he is tired of my insecurities...but this is not an insecurity...it is a feeling. I feel like an inconvenience to him. Like I am just an annoying part of his life that he wishes would just leave him alone. I just wish that if this was the way he felt...he would tell me. So I don't waste my time trying to hold on to something that there is no chance of ever fixing.

I guess I just don't get it. Like two years ago he was telling me that it was fate that we met. He told me that I made him feel better about himself...that he was so lucky to have found me. What happened? I am trying my hardest to do everything he asks to hold on to our relationship, but I am finding that everything I do...is just not enough. Is this all worth it? The hurting...the crying...the feeling like I am dying inside because I am slowly losing my best friend...The man I want to spend forever with...My perfect match... Or would it hurt worse to just walk away now and know that I can never touch him again? Could never hear his voice or breathe in his scent or feel his kisses..? I wish love didn't hurt this much.
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to Clyde meowing