Lost and On My Own
04/07/2004 01:47 a.m.
Well T and I were officially on a "break" for the past month. Now we are "starting over"..."trying to work things out". The problem is I feel that we are only doing that because I am pathetic. I can't stand the thought of losing him...and being alone...yet again, so I practically begged him to stay with me while he was ready to walk away. Of course he couldn't have been that sure about his decision to break up if he was upset enough to cry over the thought of me walking out the door and him never seeing me again. This is a man who has not once shown me any type of emotion throughout our two years together...and now...he cries...over me. That has to mean something. It actually makes me feel better about him...it proves he can be emotional and that he is a human being. I wonder if all of this is worth it. You know...he told me that him going back to school would not change our relationship and yet...here we are...fighting to keep it going. He said he has too much going on in his life at this point: school, work, family, friends, the gym, a girlfriend, etc. and my guess is that the obvious thing to eliminate would be me. But it makes me sad because I would NEVER do that to him. Maybe it is the difference between men and women. Women care about love and men are able to walk away from it if something else comes up. I don't know. Everyone tells me to be strong and walk away...I only wish I were that strong. But sometimes I love him so much that it hurts and it hurts even worse when I realize that he doesn't feel as strongly about me...that he COULD just walk away and not give it another thought. Now that is what hurts.
I am currently Needy
I am listening to Madonna Love Songs