I am not in the mood of talking today : March 24th, 2004
03/24/2004 03:12 p.m.

I am not in the mood of talking today.  And it’s normal, though the cause is different.  The effect is painful, if not of  not taking.  Please don’t draw conclusions.  I have always been a good listener.  A patient listener.  One cannot be a good listener unless one has this – epitome of the best human quality – patience.

What brings you patience?  The depth in the personality or is it the patience which brings you this depth?

There is an Indian proverb, which compares a patient listener with that of ocean as against a babbler who is compared with an empty chick pea, which sounds  a lot, whereas it’s empty within.  Ha! Ha! 

I am wondering if the cause of the bitterness of the ocean is owing to this patience?    Rather forced patience. Ha! Ha! once you realize the meaninglessness of babbling and intricacies of communication, you have no choice than to keep your mouth shut.

But then ocean is not just bitter.  Its’ depth contains marvels which was shared by the Gods and the Demons once, by churning the ocean, as the myth goes.  The Gods tricked the demons & consumed the elixir of life.  And when it came to the venom, they both looked askance.  Lord Shiva came to their rescue by drinking it & holding it in his throat. He holds it even today. haha 

In any case, it was the ocean who bestowed all the marvels to the Gods & the demons.  The epitome of depth and patience.

A dream woke me up today.  I dreamt that I was coughing & this dream-coughing woke me up.  My throat is bad.  My chest is heavy. And this is the reason that I am in no mood of talking today.

And while I am jotting this down Mowgli is wondering if his dad has gone mad today; running & playing football with him while holding a note pad and a ball pen in his hands stopping every here & now, scribbling something in the note pad.  Well I have decided to do my jottings, in order to not to miss my thoughts, even while I am on Mowgli duty.

I have also decided to take help of my Personal Assistant for typing these jottings (which she does occasionally) on regular basis in order to save time so that I have some time to write on a regular basis.  She has been my Personal Assistant since last 21 years and  My father’s before that.  She is a sort of family P.A. and there is not much she doesn’t know, except obviously, extremely personal issues.  In any case, extreme personal issues will never be part of these journal entries. Ha ha.