blah.
03/08/2004 05:13 a.m.
Sometimes I wonder who I'm supposed to be, and to what people.
I wonder if I'm only me because I know deep down it's what some people want.

What would ever happen if I let it all go?


What price am I willing to pay for my own identity?

(relationships-mothers-fathers-brothers-jordan-barbara-reputation-popularity-favour-sex-romance-flavour-reality-security?)

If I were to be real, me, 15, Trish, in my own head, with my own ideas, contradictions, mistakes, and all the boring aspects of me..... if I were to dare to be boring..... to be unhorny..... to be secure enough to not hide behind sex (or not to start)..... to not have an answer.... Who would still be there?

Who would waste their time waiting so that they'd be the first I'd see when my eyes opened?
Would anyone still hold my hand?
Call?

Or will I lose my world of people and things that I love if I dare to step away?

If all I had was speechlessness and a heart that screamed I'm here for you, but no words to make it happen, is that enough? Is my touch enough?

Am I loved for who I am, who I show myself to be, or do you think one is the other.

(If the surface changed, would the underlay still matter to you?)
I am listening to Whitenoise