boys and tricks.
03/07/2004 11:56 p.m.
am i the only one who finds
disgustingly thin girls
in disgustingly small skirts
disgusting?

*

this is not meant to be poetic.
[ridiculous complaining] i am always rejected or thrown away for one reason or another. it's especially bad because it's by replacement and i really have no choice but to sit back and watch myself be replaced. i am so tired of boys and i'm tired of wasting energy on them. i am so tired of not being "enough." (god, i can't believe i'm talking about this. is it really that important? no. but maybe i'll feel better if i get it out.) i'm tired of things never working out. ever. i'm tired of watching the perfection around me. i hate that i so often feel incapeable of being happy for others. blah. ... you know, sometimes i think the reason i love the cello so much is because it's a fucking escape. [/ridiculous complaining]

*

i have met too many beautiful boys
who will put their lips
close enough to mine so that i can feel their breath
and then turn away

*

.. don't kiss me with that mouth ..
.. i know where it's been ..

*

i guess one always ends up being hurt
if they're only appreciated for their beauty
and smooth tongue.
I am currently Hurt