Why?
02/12/2004 05:04 a.m.
The last few weeks have been shitty. SHIT-TY! Anyway, it's getting better now, and now that I am not in a hole, I thought I should write. I hardly ever write anymore and it makes me sad. I really actually just want to bitch about America. When I first joined this site, I went through and found all the other people on here from Alaska. Aaron Amrich was one of them. I dont' know him, but I really like his poetry. Now he's in Afghanistan and living that which disgusts me. I support our troops in the middle east. I support them, because they are people, they are us, but I do not support that they are there. This is such a load of bullshit. What has happened? When I was little, I was proud to be an American. I was happy and I thought I was lucky to live in the greatest country in the world (ok, so Alaska's different from the rest of the country, but you get it) and now I am just disgusted. When I went to Argentina, I refused to speak English (and I didn't speak Spanish either, so I was stuck with Hungarian) because I didn't want people to know where I was from. Look at the history of Hungary, invasion after invasion after invasion, and now people there are proud to be Hungarian. If a poll was taken of all of America, how many people would say that they are proud to be part of the problem instead of part of the solution? Fucking Bush, what an idiot. But this is what I hear all the time. I go to college, what else is there to talk about beside relationships and drugs?

Today in Masterpieces of World Literature, we were talking about existentialism. I read Camus when I was in high school, and I knew he was talking about existentialism, but I did not get it. Essentially, existentialism is about whether or not you should kill yourself. No God, no fate, no faith, no nothing. We're all just here and human will is what moves us. While this is depressing (or it would be if I hadn't been getting over God lately) it's also sort of refreshing. I never think anyone should kill themself, though to be honest, even I have thought about it. We all go through dark times, but doesn't it always eventually get better? isn't that what we should be holding on to? It does get better. I've never had any issue in my life that didn't get better with time. Anyway, I used to feel that everything was written in this massive book of the world somewhere by someone, and that it was all mapped out. But maybe it's not. It's nice to think I have control of things. But isn't it easier to think that everything happens for a reason? next random topic.

I just want to crochet.

Holy shit! Pissed off is a mood option! I'm not pissed, but I have to pick it!
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to Thin Line-J-5