Sage Advice From Jersey
01/15/2004 01:18 a.m.
On being human:

"Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability"

"Life sucks. Get over it."

"Trust me, if you think your life sucks, I guarentee someone is much worse off. Feel better, unless you're that other person."

"Prozac; It's what's for dinner."

On being in love:

"Love is like a credit report; you never see it, but it matters.

"Love sucks. Get over it."

"Never date someone who went through a sex-change operation."

"It would be wonderful if dating came with resumes."

On working:

"Work is to give us purpose, otherwise we'd probably be commiting mass suicide."

"Work sucks. Get over it."

"When working, do your best. Odds are, someone will suck, and you'll nab all the promotions, and in a clench, they will be the one laid off."

"Money is important when work, just as you don't mind all the blood on it. Chnces are, it's yours anyhow."

On fulfillment:

"Accomplish one thing every day. Waking up is usually my accomplishment."

"Goals suck. Get over it."

"New Years Resolutions are like false promises. Noone ever intends on keeping them."

"Never quit, never give up, and you'll probably never finish."

On sex:

"Ask the person for driver's licences, left ring finger, and a sample of blood. Then bring a prophilatic."

"Morning afters suck. Get over it."

"Names may not be necessary, but prenuptuals will be."

"Never date anyone with your same last name. You will not believe the comments."

On goodbyes:

"Better make them quick, otherwise your mother will lay on you a huge guilt trip."

"Leaving sucks. Get over it."

"Leaving a letter and leaving when whoever is asleep is a coward's way, but you'll be surprise how much stress it reduces."

"Last kisses and hugs are good. Last 'proper goodbyes' often lead to children when you come back."

On being me:

"Never let them see you bleed, cry, or sweat. Otherwise you got to take a shower."

"My humor sucks. You'll enjoy it."

"If at first I don't suceed, I usually just shoot the thing."

"Never do something that a trip to the Intensive Care Unit won't cure."
I am currently Poetic
I am listening to Disturbed!