Me
01/06/2004 06:16 a.m.
I wonder about love and where it goes and how it comes back. Fear and insecurities can shift into the minds of anyone. Everyone. And I'm not perfect, or at least not perfect enough sometimes. (Could I really tell him anything? Would he still be there no matter what like he says he'll be? Is THAT what he's in for? He wrote that nothing was going to scare him away, that he loves me no matter what. Even as a 15 year old girl who can't drive and can't see him everyday? Can't dance or sing or thrive as well as...) There are moments when the depressions I used to swim in come back and haunt me. I think right this instant, I'm there again, and more than anything I want a hand to pull me out. Or even just arms around me to let me know I'll be out of it in a minute if I just have patience. (Patience, patience... can you forgive me for being afraid for a moment? I know I try to be so strong every other time. I try to hide when I can't be a pillar, but I'm tired of hiding whenever a silly, random, girlish mood like this one sweeps by. I don't want to hide anything from you anymore.) But I'm being moody. Irrational even... but god damn, that's the way human beings are sometimes right? I don't know what's gotten into me today.
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In other news, I'm shocked to find out that I got a super part for Leader of The Pack, a musical review my school will be doing. I play Annie Goldwin, and I sing about 3 songs totally solo apperently. I'm scared. Really scared, actually. But really excited. I've never been very confident at singing but I'm willing to do this, to GET confident. I'm going to audition for bard to broadway too. I've never done a monologue. I've never done a real, out-of-school audition. This year is going to be full of new things i'm not secure about, I realize. But why should that ever stop me from doing them?

Haha, now That first part of my entry seems rather silly, just like I thought it would. I almost don't want to post it anymore, but it's a facet of me and why not be brutally honest right? Might as well see everyside. you know what I think is neat? That saying about how when you hate something in someone or dislike something in someone, it's a trait of yours that you don't like when it surfaces. I think that's good. It reminds us all that we're people.
I am currently O.K.
I am listening to the incandescent light above me buzzing annoyingly.