More on Nothing.
01/05/2004 06:48 p.m.
I can't write poetry!!! I've written about five complete and edited poems, and erased them completely. Gone. I do them, look at them, and they aren't good enough, so I erase every word until the page is just blank. I stare at white for a moment, unsure of why I did it. Then a feeling like rage and despair boil up, simmer, and sink down again. The poem I wrote for the teen patron contest almost got chopped too, but I stopped myself and said hey, what the hell, let's give it a go. I can't write anything but journal entries. OH, I remember now, there were one or two poems I wrote that could have been good, but they had content I didn't like to see from myself. They were from a while back, and they were rather jealous poems, and I decided I didn't want to look at those pieces in my library everyday. I'm not a big fan of jealousy. I know it happens, but even when it's with good reason, I don't like it. Even when it makes great poetry, I don't like it. I'll sacrifice a few comments for my own well-being. I wrote it out, and that was enough (too much even).

I made myself a journal the other day. I went to chapters and of all places, they didn't have a good journal. I wanted one with alot of pages, no lines, and an alright looking cover. Finally, I just decided I'd make one myself. I bought red satin ribbon for 7$ and used it to bind 2 pieces of cardboard to a chunk of white paper. I had to hole punch the whole thing about 4 times. Twice to put 6 holes in the paper, and twice again to make them bigger. I covered the front of the cardboard in old newspaper articles (good inspiration for writers block) and then made a mosaic eye and put 'journal' on the front. I like it. I wrote about 2 pages solid in it last night and the other day I recounted the ups and downs of my love life in 2003. There were alot. that filled up about 2 and a half pages. This year I don't really have a new years resolution, except to just see what I have infront of me. Heh, it's sad, I can feel the stress already. Exams are coming up. I need A's. High A's. My parents bounce from being afriad that I'm going to overwork myself to being afraid I'll drop everything.

Oh, on an amusing note, I saw Jordans Dad here in the counselling centre today and he goes "Oh, I recognize that sweater." Needless to say (I'll say it though) I'm in Jordans hoody. It's quite comfy. A friend of mine came up to me and asked "So what happened with you and Jordan?!" All eager like there's a wager on it or something. Prolly is for all I know, lol.
I am currently Bleh
I am listening to babylon Feeling