More on this "Ridiculous Obsession with LOVE" (qt. Moulin Rouge)
01/04/2004 08:34 a.m.
I read his entry again. In his journal. I'm astounded. Time and again he astounds me. He thinks I'm beautiful. He loves me. He's gonna do everything and anything to make it work. He wants to be there for me when I fall, he wants me to be able to tell him anything. Those lines hit me, but they aren't what hits me most. "I love her for her." That means so much. To be loved for who I am, not who I resemble, who I'm like in any way. For me. As Trish. Not as anyone else. I read it for the first time this morning and almost cried. Almost. Then I saw him (he had just walked across town through the snow and ice to get to my house) and I just smiled so wide, and he just smiled back. He's my first kiss of this year. He is amazing. I wrote something in my blue journal at home about wanting to be a constant, selfless love, and to see what that can do. Well, being a constant, selfless love has brought me pain and chained me to a situation that would have otherwise been easy to leave in one sense, and impossible to leave in another. I'm glad I didn't. I'm so glad I didn't. I may have said it before, but really, I AM the luckiest girl in the world. So lucky to have a second chance with him. I remember not being with him and thinking "God, I'll never get to kiss those lips again." you know? And now... now I'm so happy. And he's grown up so much from the boy he was before... I mean, in alot of ways he's still a boy, of course (I don't think anyone really grows up all the way anyways) but it's like his ideals of love have rounded out. He still loves me when my parents go "You're 15, there's stuff you just can't do." You know, and it's true. I am 15. There ARE things I can't do, places I can't go, times I can't be out at. That's part of the package 'Trish de Gracia' rightnow. But now instead of getting frustrated, he accepts that as a part of it all. He accepts when I say 'no, wait.' And he holds me to it even when I don't want to. He keeps me sane. I was so worried before. Worried I could say something or do something and he would run. Worried if I couldn't go out at one point, he would run. Worried that if Morganna wanted him again and went for it, he'd run. But I'm not afraid of any of that anymore. Not because I don't care, but because for once, I can honestly say that I trust him with my heart and with my body and with my soul. I love him, and he knows it, and he loves me, and I know that, and to top it all off... it's genuine. Finally for both of us it isn't just infatuation, but actually caring. Really truly not wanting the other one to hurt, for any reason. It's funny, I caught myself doing something nice for him today. He had to walk through the cold to get to my house, and I thought, "hmm, he might like hot chocolate when he gets here..." and then I thought, wait. Would I have done that for Geordie for no real reason? Hehe, he didn't drink the hot chocolate though, cuz he bundled up pretty well. Either way, I was kinda suprised at myself. Man, I'm letting this guy get way too deep into my skin :P:P:P.
I am currently Lucky
I am listening to (BTW, if you don't know who This Guy is, JP Davies on pathetic)