New Years
01/01/2004 07:49 p.m.

Wasn't hard to not know that New Years was going to be the same as Christmas....spent alone. Not my luck at all. I had plans to see friends and one of my co-workers thinks she is the best there ever was and can take any day off she wants. Well the assumptions have came to pass that she may be taking today 1/1/04 off from work. So my boss tells me that I am "on-call" for work which means I couldn't travel to my friends back home to see them for New Years. I couldn't arrange anything with my other "good friend" because he just couldn't bring me because his other friend just doesn't like me. Funny how he just feels that we couldn't have peace for one night...no he has to go have a ball in Boston while I'm home alone...go figure....What gets me is the fact that if something happens and I'm left alone and he goes out, he doesn't express how sorry he feels that I'm left alone, but if one of his other friends can't go out anywhere or is having a huge upset in their lives...he is so heartbroken and feels so bad for them... That's how it was last night. He rushed me off the phone because he was so busy having a good time with this new "friend" of his. Plus he didn't even call me up to say "Happy New Year". What kind of person is that? He didn't call me once. And to top it all off...he stay at this guys house! I sat here crying my eyes out and not one phone call last night or even today to see how I was. And he tells me that he will always be there for me.

So adding it all up, my birthday sucked, my Thanksgiving sucked, my Christmas sucked and New Years sucked. Well...I can just about say that I am not meant to really have anyone in my life but myself. Hell, I grew up that way, might as well spend the rest of it alone.

It's a new year. I will soon be making the best of it. I'm hoping to be moved to full-time very soon at work and I'm being trained to be a keyholder and learning how to close. That's good. That's the best thing that has ever happened to me in a while.

I do want to say though. I'm feeling really bad because I am going through all this and the person I live with has no idea what I'm going through. I feel so bad. She is an unbelievable person and yet, with all of what I'm going through, I am treating her like crap by not talking with her about what is going on. I feel so awful. I hope that she will understand. I feel so bad. She has done so much for me, bringing me into her home, allowing me to get back on my feet. She deserves better. I'm so sorry LC. I'm really trying. I wish we can talk. If you only knew what is going on.

So that's the scoop. I hope 2004 is so much better than what I went through this year. I can't have a repeat of what happened this past year.

Thank you to those who are by my side through last night; DG, CH, JB, JB's boyfriend (hehe) and PF. Thank you all for turning tears into smiles last night. I appreciate everything you guys have done for me. I love you all.