i didn't know you at all
12/26/2003 05:44 a.m.
be an adult be an adult be an adult; well, what when i don't want to, when i tell the people that are supposed to be family to eat their frustrations and complaints and walk out the door? what when i don't come back for eight months or so? be an adult. everything is telling me this; everything with a voice. it's the silent things that tell me to run. and maybe that isn't a wrong choice. maybe it's just the other one. i want to run. running to mexico, that's one of those releases that will keep me from really having a revolution of any kind. maybe this is good. running, even back to oberlin. but at least i stopped running from my thoughts, at least i talked to ryan and told him how it will be, knew that i was right, made him see, i know that i am right and there at least i feel free. in my life right now i am free despite money despite school despite family and people i dread meeting again. all this talk of freedom i keep hearing; i suppose i understand what it's intended to mean and i can appreciate that but i do hope nothing is read into this; and i'm listening to this one jeff buckley song and then i'm to bed to ward off this horrible headache with snow dreams. (i miss oberlin, even.) (i want to write letters.) (i want to recieve letters.) (i wish i didn't have to work. some people don't have to work and they can play all month long. i have to work. this makes me different.) (i want to write.)
I am listening to jeff buckley, "unforgiven (last goodbye)"