Feels so good to write some more...
12/09/2003 03:47 p.m.
Well, this past weekend was, shall we say, eventful? I'm not about to go into details here, because doing so would take more time than I have this morning. Let's just stick with the facts. I found out something new (long suspected, but new) about people, which is no biggie, because hey, things happen right? I've also been discovering many things about people I'm close to. Things you'd THINK I already had figured out, but instead, the harder I look the more I find. Now it's just the way I deal with the information that makes the differece. Isn't that always the case? It's not the facts themselves but how you choose to DEAL with the facts that decides whether you're happy or not.

For the moment, I'm happy. Cautious as all hell, but happy. I've also discovered more the things I have different and even MORE things I have in common with people. 3 people, as of late, all of who have been there for me lately while I go through the usual ups and downs. Sometimes I think "God, was I just an idiot for letting it happen again?" They all assure me I'm not, which is nice of them. I'm not sure of anything lately and I hate it. I'd like to think that when he says he loves me he means it. I mean, I know when he says it he does, but as the day wears on it switches, and switches back, and switches, and switches back. I know it's not going to be some overnight change, but's it's hard to know when he'll say it back and when he won't, you know? Guessing "do you love me today? ok, if I call back in 2 hours will you love me then too?" isn't easy. I'm willing to go through all the tough stuff to be with him, but I have to 'take out some insurance' on my heart as well. It's like, yes, i'll fling myself off a bridge but I would like a bungee too please. Ack.... whatever. I'm plenty used to rollercoaster rides, and a bit more experienced at handling them. We'll see what events take place and what events don't and whatever. All of this is just up to the people in the situation. The worst thing a person can do is give up all their control and let whatever emotions are coursing through them to go rampant. If we did that then any time we thought of a long dead granny we'd bawl in the streets. But pah, I have my whole philosphy of being able to control anything you feel if you really want to. It's the wanting part you have to get over, not the ability. Meh, but thats enough from Dr. De Gracia today. I think I'll write a poem, or try to.
I am currently Fine
I am listening to nothing