Hoorah!
12/01/2003 04:25 a.m.
Hoorah for 2 things. 1, my team won our game in Comox against Comox for the first time this season, 1-0. I was soooo stoked. They were calling, they were passing, they were taking shots, I was saving shots, it was brilliant. The other hoorah is Hoorah, 2 poems on top 10 creative, for this moment, which is rad.

I've been thinking about how Morgannas been reading on Pathetic. it makes me wonder if she reads this stuff, my stuff. I know she reads Jordans cuz he told me she read I Dreamt you Crashed... I wonder what that was like. I wonder what it'd be like to find a site where it seems like the world revolves around you.... odd... And to not know what emotions you read are still there or not. Like I know I've written poems about Mo, some being bitter and some not.... but I know that month to month.... even week to week or day to day the way I feel about her shifts. Not changes, just shifts. And it's never really negative. If you knew Morganna, you'd know she's not an easy person to hate... I just can't get over how strong she is. I know she isn't always because no one is, but I think she's gone through more than either me or Jordan has through this whole ordeal. And to find out and that me and him are together again... I also can't get over how strong Jordan is. Barbara said that before, I know, but he's got some crazy conflicting emotions going through his head sometimes and to able to stay sane... Sometimes I wonder if he ever sees Mo when he looks at me. But really, me and her have big differences when you look close, so I know that's not all too reasonable, but still... I mean he's told me about some of the harder phone convos with her he's had to have, about how this whole ordeal never seems to end... I've always admired how he can put his eye on something and win it. The only problem for him can be knowing what he wants. But not too many guys could be able to make some of the choices he's had to make. He could have gone to Camosun and chased her. I thought for sure he would. Instead he's doing what he wants to do, and going to Calgary next year (or not, depending on the football thing he was telling me about one night). I don't know. in any event, I've decided I'm not going to worry. You know, it's crazy. I was telling Barbara one day how I had come to a crazy realization. I dreamt/pictured (I'm not really sure, coulda been one of those asyoufallasleep dreams or a real one...) Jordan breaking down again, in tears, telling me about how much he misses her and all of that. Telling me detail by detail all of things they used to share together and how they're gone. How that time is gone. I even pictured him saying how he feels like he wants all of it back, sometimes. In that daydream there, I sat by his side, holding him in comfort, not just as his girlfriend, but as an actual friend, telling him it'll be alright. Telling him things will be fine. That he would be fine. That I'm here. thinking about that was the craziest thing.... I realized just how much I'm willing to be there for him. The words this Jordan said hurt me somewhere far away, but right then and there all I wanted was to stop him from hurting. And I mean, I understand. I understand that you can't severe ties clean, you know? It's not that easy. And theres nothing that would make me not want him to have her as a friend. Every good person deserves a friend like her. I know he's gonna miss her now and then, sometimes more and sometimes less. But I think as long as I know that after the flood is over... memory flood that is. It just happens... As long as I know that afterwards, he'll still be smiling for me... I don't know. I don't even know how to say it right. The way I said is as close as I can think of. I know he loves her. He's always going to love her. I'm always going to love Geordie. You can't just stop after loving someone for that long. Not when they never intentionally hurt you. But I just sat there thinking about how crazily willing I am to go through something like that. something that could potentially hurt me... Although I don't think it would now like it would have before. Like it did before, really. Pah, I don't know. I just know I mean it when I tell him that I love him.
I am currently Glad
I am listening to My brother making jokes in the living room. His birthday.