Inner monologue.
11/06/2003 02:57 a.m.
-What is this? What is this? What is this? What was it?
`Has it changed?
-NO! and... yes. A little.
`A little?
-Maybe.
`Maybe?
-Kind of.
`Tell me how so.
-Well, it's about a thing that comes and goes and stays and makes you feel like the world is all an oyster...
`You don't like oysters.
-That's not the point. Figure of speech. Anyways, it's more like the tide.
`The tide?
-Sorta.
`How?
-Well, it comes, and it goes...
`And it isn't an oyster?
-No.
`Good. You don't like oysters.
-I know that. thank you. Moving on...
`Yes. I'm listening. All ears.
-Wait, it's not the tide either.
`Why?
-Because you can predict the tide, and youknow what causes it. The moon causes the tide, and you know when it goes in, and when it goes out. this thing isn'tlike that.
`So it isn't the tide, and it isn't an oyster. Ok.
-ok. Well, the thing with this thing is that It once was gone. Out. Banished. I banished it.
`And you can't banish the tide... but maybe an oyster...
-I banished it when it went away. It went away and I said "Fine, leave" and I shut the door behind it and locked it.
`is this good?
-I dunno yet, you'll see why in a sec. So I shut the door behind it and lock it, then I turn around. the house is kinda empty feeling, like there's this spot when the thing used to sleep and it's painfully empty.
`Like a dog?
-Well no, not quite a dog...
`Then a person?
-I don't want to call it that really, it's sort of just a feeling.
`Was it love?

...

-Yes. Then, it was love.
`Ok, this goes back to our honesty rule, remember?
-Yes.
`Ok then, go on.
-Ok, it was love. I shut the door on it, but the house was empty...
`So the house is like your heart?
-I guess so...
`ok. Go on.
-I shut the door. I was doing fine in my house for a bit, everything began to feel more normal, you know?
`You sort of adjusted.
-Kind of. Not quite adjust really, so much as... so much as the emptiness became like a beat in the backround. Monotonous. I didn't realize I missed anything after a bit.
`Was that good?
-Yes, it allowed me smile. I got on. It was fine. I was happy.
`Ok, so whats the problem.
-the problem? Oh right, the problem. The problem is that I forgot I left a key under the mat.
`Does anyone know where this key is?
-Yes.
`And so?
-And so, someone who knows where the key is has picked it up, unlocked the door, and walked into my house.
`Isn't that illegal here?
-It's illegal in most places... unless you don't mind.
`Ah... and do you mind?
-No.
`Ok, well is it love?

...

-Blunt one aren't you?
`Honesty, remember?
-Right. ok. Love. Uhh... I don't know.
`How do younot know?
-Well, I can't pin it. All I really know is that.... is that when I'm with this person, everything clicks. Stuff suddenly makes sense. I'm happy. I have fears, and thats about the only thing holding me besides him. That and the uncertainty, or more so, HIS uncertainty oat whether or not he plans to take off his shoes in my house. The only thing i know is that right now I can't keep a straight face thinking about him. Or speaking about him. or dreaming about it. I wake up some mornings with an unexplained smile and i can't remember what I dreamed about... and then it comes to me... Despite everything that walked out the door, and despite not knowing just what's walked back in... I'm suddenly... happy.

`Ok, so whats the problem?
-The problem?...
huh. I guess I never thought of it quite like that before...
I am currently Clever
I am listening to my dad snoring...