Why don't they just shoot me?
09/06/2003 12:44 a.m.
Today I had a shock treatment and should have been fine. I should have been freshly sane and able to handle the world. But no; why should anything work out like that? My mother drove me to pick up an order from a restaurant. She was in her pajamas so I had to go in. As I waited in line, the crowd grew and grew, they converged around me, I started to shake. My turn finally came and I threw the money down, grabbed the bag and ran. By the time I got to the car I was sobbing and screaming at Mom to lock the doors. We got home and I couldn't get out of the car because there was ONE PERSON walking down the sidewalk. When she finally went around the corner I got out of the car and headed into the building. I heard someone coming down the stairs above me and started to run. Once we were in the apartment, I slammed and locked the door. I dug around in the medicine box until I found my Ativan and took a triple dose.

I've been hospitalized four times, I've had a shock treatment once a week since January, I take five different psychiatric medications. Why am I still having attacks like this? Wouldn't it be easier all around if I just bowed out? God, God, God, help me.
I am currently Spastic
I am listening to Voices I'm not sure are there