Black Day
07/22/2003 10:22 p.m.
I have to leave soon to go to a funeral. When I was in jr High, I made up this joke that was "You can't spell Funeral without 'fun!'" Now that I'm actually faced with it though, it's not so fun. I went to my great Uncle's funeral a few years ago. He had been sick for a long time, and it really wasn't such a huge surprise when he died. The funeral I'm going to today is for my sister's boyfriend's brother, Matt. He was going to be 21 in a few weeks, that's the worst part about it. He was so fucking young, life hadn't really even started yet. It makes me wonder what I'm doing. I'm 21, and I'm just going to school and partying my life away. I haven't done anything great yet, and maybe it's something people have to hurry up and do before it's too late. It was ok until I put on black clothes to get ready. Now it just seems a little too real. The thing is, I feel guilty because I had only met Matt once or twice, and I don't know if I should be this down about it. I mean, am I just faking it? Am I? Should it bother me this much? I don't know. I just hate seeing Ben's family in so much pain and it makes me think about what I would do if one of my sister's died. I have never lost anyone really close to me and I don't think I could handle it. Anyway, that's all for now. Phoebe's scheduled to come cheer me up later today.
I am currently Blue
I am listening to Fiona Apple-pale september