flying over
07/22/2003 05:28 a.m.
i had my soul torn away from me last night. i watched "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" fo the first time in about 8 years, and it completely broke me down. i was watching it with my boyfriend and his parents, brother, and aunts. i could barely hold it together after the movie. as soon as ryan(boyfriend) and i walked out the door, i started crying. he took me home, and i cried on his chest for 20 minutes before i could talk. then, a story from my mental illness just poured out of me in stumbling tripping flowing rushing words. just one story, but it calmed me a bit.

the movie...it washed me in my history. in all the sickness in my family, all the hospitals and treatments and pain and death and silence of my past. it was cathartic, in truth. i was truly washed in it...pain, it was, but clean, like burning out the disease in a wound. at least for some time. it made pure and human all the unkindness of all the illness i've seen and known.

all the sickness made clean by the tears...
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to "oh my sweet carolina" - ryan adams