"Love is a many splendid thing......?"
07/03/2003 06:52 a.m.
11 days ago I had not a care in the world. Well... not really. I was anxious. Jittery. Nervous. didn't know why, until sometime between then and today things changed. Not for better, or for worst, just different. I got, quote quote, "dumped", but I felt just as "dumped" as I felt "relieved." The jitteriness ebbed away, because I didn't have the anxiety anymore. I wasn't in a constant of state of "does he love me? does he not?" The fact is, if you have to wonderthat for any prolonged period of time, even after asking him (or her) "is everything ok?" brace yourself for a big fat "No, I'm not quite in love with you anymore." I braced myself, because I think I knew it was coming. When you find that suddenly Norah Jones' lovesongs disgust you, and you can ONLY listen to Billie Holiday, your psyche is tellin ya "hun, ya know it's coming." But it's odd, because I feel freer now, you know? I never could quite get it why anyone would be a commitment phobe, but this odd feeling of total freedom COULD be it. Not that having somebody you're in love with love you back is a wretched feeling, by anymeans. It's probably one of the greatest feelings out there. But I'm pretty sure there are some close rivals, like chocolate, after you've had pickles all day (but not right after, cuz then you'd have a chocopickle sorta taste in your mouth...). But seriously, I was surprised and pretty proud of myself when I didn't spaz out. Well... I didn't spaz as much as I thought I would. I spazzed considerably less actually, mainly because I think I knew that life goes on, and that there's more to life than boys (or girl(s), to whom that may apply). And ya ya, those who have been single for a while will say they've been single long enough, but really, when you get down to it, there are pros and there are cons both ways. So make the most of whatever life throws at you, or get up off your ass and change your own damn situation.


I can't help thinking of how much fun toying with free-will would be (reverseably, of course...)
I am currently Content
I am listening to Norah Jones again, between bouts of Billie