Tired
06/26/2003 07:13 a.m.
I'm so tired of people pissing me off or me allowing them to piss me off or whatever, but it is crap and it's exhausting. Whoo, run-on sentence. Anyway, I did a stupid thing yesterday, after being good for months (MONTHS) I checked Marcos's e-mail thought i know I shouldn't have. There was a letter from Caroline (Whom I like to refer to as "stupid whore." Anyway...it was just like "Hi baby, I love you so much, blah blah." And the thing is, it could have been a letter from me a year ago. And I don't love him anymore, but I just want to scream in his face and mkae him suffer. I was going to marry him. In fact, we would have been getting married NEXT MONTH. And now he's with this girl. It just doesn't seem fair to me because I am the one who was pure and loving (not totally, but c'mon, he fucking cheated) and he cheated and treated me like shit, but now he is in love with someone and happy and I am still alone. I know I shaved my head. I know I am "single and fabulous" or whatever, but it's bullshit. I have felt like the girl that no one really wants for so long. When do I get to be the girl worth fighting for? When do I get to be the girl worth waiting for? When do I get to be the girl worth loving? When am I going to move of from the "time-consuming" status I have right now? I mean, it seems like I have been a slightly interesting way to pass the time for years. I want to be the special one to someone. But I don't. I don't know. Love is so scary. It has hurt me more than anything. This is just random and I am gonna listen to weezer and take a bath because that's all I want to do now. Thank God for Phoebe. Thank God for Jeff.
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to mah