Blindfolds and threads. Platonic and tearful.
05/29/2003 01:07 a.m.
A few weeks ago, I suddenly remembered a very good friend of mine, who I hadn't seen in about a year... I sent him a prod on the shoulder, asking him how he was, and not suprisingly (as it was about midnight at the time) I got a pretty cold reply.

No word for about two weeks

Then, suddenly; an email. Amazingly unexpected. Almost apologetic (I don't understand why) in its occurance. What does he want? Do I open it now?

There's always a slight feeling of aprehension that accompanies lengthy letters, emails included. They can hold serious topics of meaningful conversation in their lines which make me want to curl up in a dark place, avoiding emotional confrontation and possible down-treadment (not a word, I know).

I read. tentative.

Like a ghost from the not-so-distant past. Smack!

But that's irrelevant.

I worry so much about this boy. At times I sense severe messed-upness. And he's so nice, so easy to talk to, it breaks my heart to even think that he's suffering at the hands of pillocks and scum-suckers. Inwardly.

I hope. I hope. I hope.

But its funny how reality can catch up with you. I met him today; first proper meeting in a year. Things seem different when you act out your intentions. I wanted to get across... That he's not alone. I don't know what's bothering him exactly, but I just... Just wanted to offer up some form of friendship again. Just some form of signal that not everyone he used to know was a complete bastard.


Its amazing how awkward-a situation that can be.

I hope I did right. Why does it matter so much to me at two in the morning?



I'm... Scared. Actually scared, flailing about blindly myself. So suprised that he doesn't seem to have any other form of support from elsewhere. Oh Naive, Sarah! Not everyone has that benefit.

But yes. Flailing is a good way to describe me at the moment. Let alone anyone else.
My world is actually changing, pretentious and stupid as it sounds. Socially as well as in any other way. And here I am, a small island at the brink of some unknown. Call it adulthood, I call it alienation.

Today was one of those awkward, beautiful days. One of those days that I need to save in a jar as my final seven months of childhood tick by. Seven months. Thats all I have left of this stage of my life, legally. Technically.

I don't know whether I anticipate or dread next christmas.

Today, with its awkward, blundering, butterflyfrail beauty is an endangered species.

I only hope I can at least hand over a silver thread to certain friends to help them out of the not-so-good days that seem to pepper this less than tranquil world.

I hope that makes sense. I'm tired. Send me to sleep someone please.
I am currently Helpless
I am listening to Every breath you take (and other 'cheesy' songs)