HORRIBLE DAY
05/16/2003 01:35 a.m.
Today has been absolutely surreal.

In the past 2 days, there have been 2 suicides. One was by a 14 year old boy at one highschool, another was by an 18 year old guy at a different one. The 18 year old hung himself at lunchtime yesterday in the school bathroom. The other was a boy named James that many of my friends knew. I came back to school from a writers conference which sucked to see people everywhere crying. Then I found out about the 14 year old (I already knew about the 18 year old). Then after that my friend Sarah told me about how these girls (one of them was a really friendly girl in my Musical theatre) were dissing me and Jordan again. Right when I thought that shit was boiling down. Apparently I'm a slutty 14 yearold whore and the only reason I dumped Geordie was because HE wouldn't put out, so I got frustrated and started going out with a senior, because he WILL put out. What utter bullshit. I think I'm going to talk to one of those girls face to face tomorrow and ask them for the truth. That makes me so mad. Maybe I'm just too emotional right now, I don't know, but that hurts me so much. After that, someone was like "Well are they inlove ?" And another girl was like "I highly doubt that." My god if they only knew! and I've never had sex people! I've been waiting for a guy that I can my trust in before doing that. Somebody I felt safe and comfortable with. Geordie would dis me every now and then... sometimes he made me feel so down. Jordan never does that. In all fairness he may later on , but regardless of that, for the moment, I trust him. I feel safe with him. Geordie had never pressured me for sex, but Geordie expected it, and that, in a way, was pressure. He had asked about it, but it was like he was getting antsy for it, you know? I could have had sex with him... but it just didn't seem right. And now I dumped him because HE wouldn't put out? God damn people....
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to My stupid parents nagging ARG.