the oddness in me
03/28/2003 02:43 a.m.

wade in the water...go across the water, have faith...for god will calm the waters in your passage, and trouble them in the coming of your oppressors. isn't it a beautiful message? i prefer to think that god will trouble the waters so that your enemies are forced to turn back; but it could be read that god will smite your enemies by drowning. that's the way everything is; there is no true perception. i learned recently that my perception is not like yours, not like most people's. this is a revalation for me. i sense wrongnesses in everything that is wrong. not wrong as in ethics, but wrong as in a recollection i make of memory, mostly, or in something i type when i'm not looking at the screen or my hands. it's bizarre and uncomfortable, this feeling of wrong. it's a physical twisting of the stomach, most often.  when i am happy, i see colors. when i'm sad, i see colors. words mean things in my head that they don't mean, evoke images that have nothing to do with the true meaning of the word as we know it. isn't is strange? numbers have shapes. my best friend's phone number is soft, while another friend's is pointy and hard and uncomfortable. when numbers are hard i can't remember them. when they're soft, they're so easy to remember. there are a thousand other feelings about numbers that i can't describe.there's rhythym in everything, and taste. i can't describe it. someone tell me they know.

indi