comments on poem, "What Husbands and Wives WANT"
03/24/2003 08:30 p.m.

Angel Esclave said:
Okay, so . . . I like the message. Giving and whatnot. Good things, always in any relationship. It seems as though you've cut out the individuals, though. It seems to much to say that all husbands need air like oxygen and that all wives just want to vent their emotions. What about the husbands that don't care about sex that much. What about the husbands that want to feel safe and talk things out. They exist. And the wives that want sex. The wives that don't really feel like talking all the time and sometimes just want to hop in bed. They exist to. People are . . . well, people. And to break them up into two categories, male and female, and cutting off a lot of things. But yes, giving, sharing, consideration, very good things and it's good that you promote them and such. Just don't make such large sweeps with your broom, you know. Thanks for posting this. :-)

My reply

insightful comments
there are some generalizations that can be made about men and women and about the way they approach sex and being listened too.  Sure, men want to have a deep relationship with their mate; but it is my observation that men have a much greater need for sex than women that transcends their need for relational melding.  And women typically can get by with a lot less sex than men.  but it is a genarlization.

What I'd like to do is to present to people a picture of what they want and to use that to communicate that the way to get it is not to focus on their shallow desires but to set what they want and to focus on meeting the "difficult to discern" needs of their partner.

I believe this, fulfillment in marriage comes through sacrificing one's own desires in order to focus more fully on the desires of one's mate.  the real fullfilment (with a capital F) comes when we see the benefit that approach gives to our mate and they in turn freely give us what we thirsted for in the first place.  Does that make sense??

I am revising the poem with the collaboration of a woman friend of mine.

so whattaya think??

Carl