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Passively Blank
This was almost twenty fifth times that I had to trick him out of the room. But all the time he was back before I could comfortably recline in my bed with a pen and my notebook jotting down what ever comes to my mind. He was persistent in his endeavor in insisting upon me by his behavior to play football with him and I wasn’t prepared. I had a long tiring day yesterday and a dreamful of a night. More over I was recovering from a relapsed virus infection. I wasn’t feeling good in chasing him out but I was neither in a mood to go out and play with him nor I was physically fit to do so. This was my beloved one and half year old Dalmatian son MOWGLI. Well, finally he understood my situation and went out with his ball and occupied a shady area in one corner of the lawn, rolling and playing on his own.
And now I am here, though not reclining in my bed but in my study with my writing pad and pen, wondering as to from where to start.
I am trying to concentrate and I cant. There’s nothing, which is diverting me. I am just passively blank.
I have always longed for this blankness but then it has to be an ACTIVE BLANKNESS where you are aware and alert, without as well within, from moment to moment, in continuity. And here I am, passively blank, almost half asleep. We normally do mechanical kind of thinking in such a passive state of mind, almost like dreaming.
My frozen left shoulder is still bothering me despite an hour’s acupressure therapy I underwent for the third time yesterday in the course of last ten days. This constant painful sensation in my shoulder is not helping my mood. My body too seems to be consuming all the available energies in fighting all those virus’s, I don’t know at what rate they must be multiplying inside the cells of my body. And instead of helping my body by conserving energies, here I am demanding surplus energies from it. Yes, I need some energies and positive impressions, which would transmute these energies into refined energies. I am more than certain that a single word, mounted on these energies, then, would be sufficient enough to lead me to meaningful writing. The concentrated refined energies would easily establish link between my various centers, namely: intellectual, mechanical, emotional and if the quality of these energies transmute further, depending on the quality of the impression, then INTUTIVE, a center if active and to the fore, brings KNOWING without the aid of the language.
Unfortunately I am lacking both: energies as well as the much needed quality impressions. Quality impressions are capable of providing SHOCK to the energies in the process of transmuting them.
Well, in the absence of this much needed energies and impressions, rather in the presence of absence, I have no other go than to stop writing. But before I do that I must thank a friend who helped me with an account in the livejournal.com by not only providing me a code but also in helping me set up the page. |
