Ahhhhhhh....!!!!
11/26/2002 04:50 a.m.
Why do you have this effect on me? Why is it that after so long you could still make me cry? Do you know that I could actually picture a future with you...? And that scares the living hell out of me. I have dreamed of us...together. We have a house and kids... We are happy! Sometimes I feel like I want more out of this than you do...Like you are in it for the time being...until something better comes along. I don't know what else there is to accomplish? I mean you went to school...you got your Master's degree...you have a career and an apartment...Shouldn't the next step be looking for "the one"? Or am I the only one that believes that there is this perfect person out there for me? I have looked at and analyzed everything about us. The way we are...together. You are my perfect person. And yet I doubt you feel the same way...or maybe it has to build up to that? Maybe knowing this soon is not something that "guys" do...or feel comfortable with. I just hate feeling like I am putting more of my heart on the line than you are. I know you love me...I don't doubt that for a second. But do you see a future with us? Or is it too early in the game to know? I find you talking about M and L and telling me "Well they have been together for five years...a long time...they got sick of each other." What does that mean?! That in five years (such a long time) you will get sick of me? I can't give you that much of myself for so long only to have you brush it off as if it was nothing. I WANT a future with YOU and only you. You don't understand how much I love you and how strongly I feel for you...and if you do...you certainly do not act as if you do. I know I'm a girl...Not only that...I'm an overly emotional girl. And I know...you are a guy... and we just arent the same. But how serious are you about me? You don't say much...just the "I love you's" and "Hi beautiful's" that I hear every so often...when I could write a book about my feelings for you...it just doesn't seem fair...when I'm the one who needs to hear it so much more...
I am currently Needy
I am listening to Me...typing