November 16
11/17/2002 03:36 a.m.
So I've heard that talking with someone face to face would be the best way to get to know them. I agree. I see in their eyes and can really tell if they are who they say they are. Would it work the same if someone was having problems with themselves and just needed to talk to someone? I don't feel that talking online through an instant messenger or even email would make a person feel better, because you are not there with the person. I can't seem to talk to anyone unless it's on here. And seeing as though I don't get anywhere with them, they just don't want to hear it anymore. Things are so difficult in my life and yet I just don't know how to deal with them. People have been telling me to just drop them. How the hell do you do that? My life isn't as easy as flipping a switch and dumping all that is bothering me. It's so much worse. When I want to talk to someone in person about it, it's better but no one will understand. I just don't know what to do anymore. I wish people would understand where I'm coming from. I wish someone would have all the patience possible to hear me out and not just say, "just drop it". I wish just that could happen for me. I can't be happy unless I know I'm happy. No one can just say, "be happy" and all of a sudden I'm a glowing light of happiness. Why do people frown when they hear about people like me? No one pays any attention to people like this. For what I give to hear people out when they have problems, I help them but no one ever wants to hear Matt out completely. Face to face, person to person, mano a mano, but maybe who has gone through shit and has gotten through. One that could possibly give me some logical advice on how to get through this mess. It's really making my life shit. I can't do this. I have so much going for me now and now all this crap is eating away at me to the point that I can't do anything. Someone out there must understand. I know not many people even want to hear it, but someone out there must understand. Ugh......depression sucks.....loneliness sucks......problems suck......growing up and now being antisocial sucks......help me......help me......:-(
I am currently Detached
I am listening to Guns and Roses - November Rain (how appropriate)