I absolutely completely wish I were gone far far away.
11/10/2002 02:41 a.m.
I've never been on such an emotional low...Its as though everything that could be good in my life held a conference and decided that they would no longer be. And thats frustrating. It could be that just one or two things are going bad but no, instead it's everything. I don't remember the last time something good happened...it's just terrible. Absolutely terrible. What's a little bean to do? I want sdesperately to stick my head in an oven and end it all because i've been trying far too hard an dfor far too long to better the situation. I can't give anymore if no one else is going to give either. And I shoudln't have to. And I shouldn't have to hold myself to standards that everyone else wants from me, but I do. Why? Because I don't know how to put myself first, and I suppose I never will. And Ii suppose I don't really care so much...probably because I care too much. I care so desperately about everyone that it completely ruins my life. .. but thats how i was raised... to care. to love and to care.
and that's what i'm doing.

but alas it shows that I am completly imcapable of doing anything right. anything at all.

and its a terrible injustice to my soul
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to my own muted dreams