Beginnings
06/07/2012 12:55 a.m.
Today marks a day that will forever be remembered as a new beginning with a new outlook on life and relationships ...
Today i have decided that i will no longer exist in the past and torment myself with the wrongs that i have done ...
stay tuned if you will for more will come ...
I am currently Calm
I am listening to my wish - rascall flats

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Friends
08/24/2011 09:45 p.m.
Greeting all fr yet another addition to my Journal ... not sure who would read this, but at the end of the day writing is simply a form of release.
With the advent of social media we find the world has shrunk somewhat. It has become that much easier to keep in touch with those that otherwise we have forgotten. With a simple click we say "Hi!" and believe that would be the end of a conversation until we receive a response from the recipient.
Schools have databases of students that once attended their hallowed grounds and utilize the internet to keep in touch.
But what has this ultimately done to age old meaning of friendship? Has it's true essence been lost and corrupted within the oncoming march of technology? Do we find it easier to simple mail, sms, mms etc rather than talk face to face?
I often find myself walking around and watching, as I always do, others ...
I look at the relationships they have forged, new meetings that are being welded into a solid mass of steel which would and should last a lifetime.
I envy those that have close tying friendships that have weathered the storm of life. I envy their very essence and the ability they have to succeed. I think, in my life, i have really ever only had 3 friends. Close friends that I could share everything with. One has proven to be anything BUT a friend, one I shattered with idiocy - my own regrettably - and the last is the person whom i married, my wife.
It used to be of a day very long ago that people would visit each others homes, full of warm hearted kindness .. it used to be that you could strike up a conversation with a stranger and then become friends in a matter of minutes ... but used to be is no more.
Cherish those that you call a friend and have them always in your heart. Do not lie and if you ever lie, explain and let it not get in the way. A friend is blessing, a true friend is a miracle ... but even miracles can be undone ...
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to Brad Paisley

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ticking memories
06/13/2011 08:47 p.m.
Greetings all,

I doubt this will ever be read but this is what comes from keeping things silent. Some things are brought forth as an understanding of human nature, others as a beacon of light to a human soul.
Each time we go through a simple moment in life we are left with ... a void. A void that seems to fill with a memory when the moment passes.
People come into our lives for a season, a moment or an event. Their feet leave footprints, indelible marks upon our psyche which seem to resonate within certain instances.
I have been touched (figuratively speaking) by many, but few have chosen to remain.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to rascall flats

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Confessions
05/10/2011 02:57 a.m.
Greetings to this, my first journal entry within the land of pathetic.org.
If you are reading this entry then i must say you have a passing inquisitiveness as to the person that I am within. After all, is this not why we write and create worded worlds ... to release an inner being?
There was a time long ago where i knew what valued most in life. I knew the desires and the needs and the wants and the effectiveness and the ... never mind, it's an ongoing list. But i knew what and who I was.
I guess the older you get, the more that memory returns to haunt you.
You see, as children, we are forged in the image of our parents. It is their personality which guides us towards right and wrong. It is their views which shapes our so-called prejudices.
Then we grow up ... so to speak ... i use the term very loosely. We learn a little bit about life and it's quintessential meaning ... we take from it the lessons that are taught from the mistakes which we make and we forge a personality all our own. An independent monster that grows as we age and alters it's own molecular structure.
We adapt. We grow. We discover. We live. We learn. We change.
I've done all of it in spades and yet i have no pride in who i was. I am proud yet possess no pride.
This my dear friends and readers, you can consider my eulogy. An epitaph to something which i pushed 6 feet under and covered with lime, bedrock and cement so that it can never see the light of day.
These are my sins, brought forth and thrown at friends, lovers, companions and family. This is the writing of my inner-most demons which need to be exorcised once and for all. For if you cannot face your demons, you cannot move forward as the person that you are. I cannot ask forgiveness for in truth i do not deserve it.
I am a liar ...
I have lied. I have fabricated stories that were made from air and hurt those that loved me. Falsehood fled my lips and touched the air and became real for a time and i couldn't even take it back. How can you take something like pretending a person had died. Is there a reason for what I did? No ... i was an idiot.
I have hated ... for the sake of hating. I thought i was above others and tried to have them on the same level as me. Such a high regard for oneself often leads to a disappointment that often burns into hatred. How dare others not think and feel like me? This was moronic ....
I have borrowed and not returned. What man takes and does not give back what he has taken? A man smaller than an ant ... a microcosm of disgust ... myself.
I have used ... others and myself. Gratifying experiences without need or thought of others and the consequences it brings. Satisfaction was a sought after commodity and i took it in spades with little care.
I have hurt purposefully ... those that loved me and cared about and for me. I have ripped shreds into people that came into my life because i did not have the courage to rip into those that hurt or maimed me. Funny how this happens .. you leave someone who has harmed you and find someone softer and harm them ... what a cycle that ends up being.
Sorry guys but i cant write anything else for now ....

I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Creep - Radiohead

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