The Journal of Jared Orlando|
It's Labor Day.
09/07/2009 06:37 p.m.
I’ve mustered enough inner energy and outer anxiety to finally sit down in front of my own words
And it’s been a year since I’ve wrote anything fair about you, and for this I am sorry
But you don’t know my feelings and me enough to charge me of any offense
And this is the last letter, the last sentences I will write about you
The last pondering over and missing, it’s got to stop someday
Let today be the day that I tell you I love you, but I can’t keep waiting
Let tonight be the night that I tell you that you aren’t the subject of these writings
Let this be my chance to get the record straight and say I am not mad at you.
In fact, I’m happy for you, and things happen and I just roll with the changes.
I was pushed to the brink of acceptance, and here’s to me staying there.
Here’s to what was, and a drink to what may be.
A rusty wheel, it is.
12/14/2008 05:48 p.m.
Here we stand, and it's December again. I know the way you present yourself is of the utmost importance, and if you do not fit this Christmas theme, then you should not even be allowed to celebrate. I am not going to pretend - I am not going to sing these songs, smile for no reason - I won't laugh just because I feel the breezes of the coming winter. Too many memories can linger and weigh you down.
A Coastal Concern
11/25/2008 05:53 p.m.
It's always around this time. Everything gets a little duller, the wind a little crisper. The air is little daggers to my skin and instead of blood, I'm leaking memories. I toss and turn, and why do I expect someone next to me? I once loved the winter months, the chill of the morning and night. Now I realize it was a phase, a joke, a lie. I long for anything but this.
Maybe I should've stayed.
10/30/2008 02:32 a.m.
Being one drink away, one wink, one blink away without the scent of alcohol or tear I only feeling peeling away of the real and a touch a tip of longing and my empty stomach gives way to such cruel realizations that I recognize as my own fuck up to wait.and wait. and wait for something long gone, or long since passed, or something I can only graze, and watch depart like a train off in smoke. off in smoke. I was only ever offered a chance of that perfect life, a piece of what one worth would experience. It felt so right then.
Nothing easy about Sunday morning...
09/28/2008 03:21 p.m.
What to tell. There are so many letters, words, phrases that can combine, multiply and divide, to create lavish lines to convey an emotion. with so many emotions, there are even more letter, words, phrases to join together to express and make a feeling be more understood. I say to hell with it. So impatient I am, and how complex and detailed an emotion already is, even more complex is its expression. I am in love, I am confused, I am unstable, and I am happy. For whatever it means, whatever can be taken from these simple statements, I can still be the only person to truly understand. I am hopefully hopeless.
children are good for something
09/23/2008 08:06 p.m.
like a child chasing a stray balloon, i'm following such a fast drifting fantasy. slowly losing it's density and weight it deflates by the second. if i do not reach it in it's full state, i'm left with only a fraction, shards, of what it could be. but in my case, i have no choice but to slowly walk, keeping it in my sights, with the realization that when i do reach it, it'll be as flat as the earth.
I am currently Bleh
I am listening to victor wooten
09/21/2008 02:46 p.m.
Trouble lifting my eyes open, swollen is this head; so many needles woven through and through it feels like surgical woes and my home is just a hospital stay; eating guilt and drinking longingness lingers on an empty stomach, pangs of broken bottles and battles all along my feet; my shelter is breaking and my skin is so tight, my only fix is something I thought once existed, but believing only gets you to the edge whilst faith throws you off.
04/09/2008 09:02 p.m.
I can't seem to hold this all together
My mind is just so scattered.
02/26/2008 01:39 a.m.
I have trouble with making myself realize that the future is just as easy to think about as is the present. I worry, although hopeful. It's part of my routine i suppose; you wake, you put your best face on, school with a touch of random activity, and worry about what happens after, when all the linear is swept aside and it's time for what follows. I am not home, and I have not truly been there for a long time. I now have a different view on what a home is, and maybe I have only been there for a few days, once. But all in all, where I'll be after all is said and done terrifies me, and truthfully scares the shit out of me. Maybe because it is encoded in my DNA, and it is how I was chosen to be. Nevertheless, I only seem to feel comfortable with dealing with the events at hand.
On a lighter note, things are great. I'm pulling myself out of a musicless rut and trying to get some things together. Being that my responsibilities are so limited here on the coast, I have so much free time on my hands. I am trying to pick up many hobbies to waste my time away, and I think it is going quite nicely.
To end this entry with pizzazz, I'll scrape up something very cliche'.
I am crazy about a dark-haired southern girl that has completely turned my life upside down. Maybe it is the way the sun catches her eyes? I think my future lies in her sweet soft palms.
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to AC rattle
02/16/2008 11:54 p.m.
So, football isn't my thing. Sports was never truly niche to begin with. But it sure is nice to feel the heat of that Floridian sun, to actually feel that I am a little in shape. Yet, there is just something about this that doesn't compare to home. Maybe it's the company that I surround myself with? All i know, is there is a southern girl out there staring at this same sun somewhere. What I would do to be under that Louisiana sky..
I am currently Cool
I am listening to Ambience
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