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The Journal of Rebekah Marxen

things I have been doing
03/07/2008 12:15 a.m.

+ I made a dress.
+ I wore said dress in public. (I can not remember the last time I wore a dress out of the house.)
+ I started reading three books - by Pema Chodron, Cormac McCarthy and Saul Bellow.
+ I have been not smoking for over two months - not even one drag.
+ I have been thinking about the things I would say to people if they were still here for me to say things to.
+ I rearranged my room.
+ I got new glasses.
+ I wrote an email to J. and it bounced back and I hoped that it didn't mean that he was one of those people who isn't here for me to say things to.
+ I volunteered.
+ I applied to graduate school.
+ I stopped trying so hard at things that don't matter.

I am listening to mixtape from an ex who made me realize you can be friends after

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a mantra:
03/04/2008 04:42 p.m.

this is just one moment in time


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all that is good
01/31/2008 01:42 a.m.

In addition to giving up smoking and meat, I've given up television, at least for a week. In it's place I'm sewing. I just ordered some adorable patterns to start making my own clothes. I will do anything to put off finishing my grad school application.

The temperature is thirteen degrees, warmer than it has been much of the past two weeks. I am happy.


I am listening to kitty

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resolve
01/04/2008 01:00 a.m.


I am willing to sound ridiculous.


I reslove to be better at life.
Quitting smoking. Vegitarian, again. Going to grad school.


Robert Creeley said, "Things come and go. Then let them."


My good friend said, "Everything is as it should be. Good or bad."


I am looking forward. I am letting go. I am terrified. I wouldn't have it any other way.



I am listening to Bauhaus - can you imagine?

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towards home
12/24/2007 12:29 a.m.
I am heading home in just a few days. Driving back east with a couple of friends. I can not wait so see my best friend, and meet his boyfriend, Matthew.

I miss eastern standard time. I miss dive bars with good juke boxes. I miss pretzels. I miss dance parties. I miss my friends. The one who know when I need a hug or a beer or whatever. The ones who aren't afraid to say 'I love you' before hanging up the phone.

Point me in the right direction and I'll be there.
I am listening to Josh cooking indian food in the kitchen

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perspective
12/12/2007 08:20 p.m.
And just when you think that you've got it bad, life kicks your ass and gives you some perspective.


Life kicked my ass today.
I am listening to the chatter of medical students

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falling
12/11/2007 02:31 a.m.
I keep falling. And I wish I would just hit the ground so I can brush myself off and get back up.

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looking back
11/14/2007 04:15 a.m.
I just came across this journal entry from 2003:

"How to make this feeling stop
A simple guide
1. Listen to good music
2. Have positive interactions
3. Make new memories
4. Don't isolate
5. Be willing to get and give love
6. Feel pretty"

This was my plan for getting over some boy. I think it's actually kind of great. I'm going to try this if there's a next time. I particularly enjoy #6.

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sometimes...
11/11/2007 09:59 a.m.
...you come home drunk and you wish you had made different decisions.

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