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11/30/2001 02:22 a.m.
Ow.
I am currently Tired

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Tomorrow: A Beginning or an End
11/29/2001 01:07 a.m.
I didn't think I'd be nervous this soon. I knew I'd be nervous tomorrow morning...But not now. I think it's cause the last procedure went so horribly...and then didn't work.
I have to decide by tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. whether or not to have them call in a prescription for valium. I think I'm going to need it, but they say they don't think I will. I'm feeling really apprehensive right now though.
At least I've succeeded in not getting my hopes up. I haven't even thought about "what if" the procedure works. Nothing else has. And even if it does...it's only temporary. I guess that's better than nothing though. As long as it can help get me through physical therapy, that's all that matters.
This procedure (epidural injections) is pretty similar to the last one (facet joint injections), except this one is going to have the needles inserted into the nerve in my neck instead of the facet joints. This procedure is supposedly less painful...but,the last one I at least had an I.V.,valium, and some local anesthetic or something. This one they want me to do with only the local anesthetic. I really think I'm going to need the valium. Just in case I freak out at the last minute (which I have a tendency to do.)
The physiatrists said that this would increase my pain over the next 3 days--if the procedure worked. So, pain is actually a good thing this time around. Argh, why am I so nervous. I just need to calm down. It's no big deal. I just don't have a good feeling about this though.
I feel like writing a poem.

"Tomorrow":
Tomorrow holds promises
of needles and pain,
Of surgery, discomfort,
grey clouds and rain.
Tomorrow holds promises of a beginning...or an end,
But, tomorrow You'll be there,
holding my hand.'

It could be worse though. It could be a lot worse. Some of the people I've seen in the waiting room have it like 10x worse than I do. I shouldn't even be complaining. It reminds me of that quote: "I complained I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."

Maybe these quotes will help:

"Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

"Being brave isn't about not being scared. It's about being scared to death and not giving in."

"Help me to remember, Lord, that nothing's going to happen today that You and I can't handle together."

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."--Matthew 11:28

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength."

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."--1 Peter 5:7

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."--Isaiah 41:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."--Philippians 4:13

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."--Isaiah 41:10

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."--Philippians 4:6-7

Maybe I won't need that valium afterall..

I am currently Calm
I am listening to Nichole Nordeman's "To Know You"

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