4-1-11
04/02/2011 07:39 a.m.
i logon almost every day thinking that maybe today will be the day that i actually write something. but there is just too much to say and not enough words and there is nobody listening anymore anyway.
I am currently Detached
I am listening to nothing

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Back in school
05/17/2010 08:16 p.m.
I just completed my first term of college. It has been over 20 years since I last attended school. I gotta say, it isn't nearly as difficult as I remember it being. Grades won't be posted for a few days...but I'm pretty sure I'm carrying all As. So, I have a week off then start all over again with Term #2.

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Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam
06/05/2009 03:01 p.m.
every day my e-mail box is filled with spam for penis enlargements and designer watches...i have to wonder, does a watch costing as much as my car make up for the fact that a guy thinks his penis is small? and what kind of an ass would spend that much money for a time piece anyway? and rather than worrying about the size of his dick, maybe he could concentrate more on the size of his attitude towards women?

i feel very removed from the faction of society that measures their self worth by the length/width of their sexual member and/or the timepiece on their wrist.

and, let's face it, i'm a girl...do i really care about the length of my penis?
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to My son destroy the world with legos

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I Don't Know How To Start
04/27/2009 05:03 p.m.
can i pick a poem up in the middle? i simply cannot find the introduction to the thoughts in my head. images that need vocalizing, emotions that burn to shared, ideas that are getting tangled up with my day to day necessities....i feel a bit like a bottle of ketchup, turned on its side, full to the brim and no matter how hard i shake it, smack, thump it...it just won't flow. i imagine someday it will come flooding out and drown me, losing all the delicacy of thought and emotion in a huge gushing of words, leaving it unpalatable and soggy...bleh.
I am listening to my son's cat doing something it shouldn't

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I Didn't Lose my Muse....But my Courage
04/24/2009 04:45 p.m.
i have been uninspired lately. my writing has become boring and unsatisfying. today i read over some of my older stuff that i pulled from here and i realized that i have stopped writing honestly. too many people who know me and whose opinions i value know that i am here and read my work. i am afraid to be honest...which makes my writing suck. i wish i could just write and not worry about how others might interpret my work.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Snow Patrol

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My Glass is Two Thirds Empty and I'm an Optimist!
03/07/2009 08:18 p.m.
when i was pregnant with my second child, i was terrified that i could not love him as much as i loved my daughter. she was my whole world and i did not know how i could possibly find room in my heart for him. i was worried that he would somehow be second best and that i would be a terrible mom to him because of how much i loved my first child. but from the first second i held his tiny hand in mine and felt his breath against my chest, i knew that my worries were unfounded. somehow my heart just doubled and i had more than enough love for him. he was special and wonderful and i could not imagine how i had ever thought my life was complete before him. it was the same for my third child. triple the heart space, triple the joy.

those who know me, know that i live my day to day life without my older two children. it was not my choice. it was theirs. there is a certain kind of rejection that is impossible to overcome...when your child tells you she doesn't want to live with you, doesn't want to visit you, doesn't have time to talk to you or read an e-mail.

but it still have my third child. this incredibly loving bundle of energy. this child who tells me every single day that i am the best mommy in the world, that he loves me the most, that i am beautiful and smart and funny and that my hugs make his whole world perfect.

even as his love completely fills me with that special warm feeling that only comes from being a mom...even as i smile and draw my breath to tell him that he is perfect and wonderful and makes my life perfect just by being in it...i feel those shattered fragments of my heart shifting and slicing and filling my lungs with the pain of longing and unshed tears. even as i hold him and smell his sweet hair, my arms are achingly empty and continue to reach for two warm bodies who stand well beyond my reach.

so now that my heart has stretched to encompass three and is impossibly hollow with the absence of two, how do i maintain the balance? how do i fill my youngest with that unconditional sense of self and uncomplicated carefree childhood that all children should have when i am constantly aching for my other two? how do i keep my heart open to the older two when their repeated rejection makes me wince and withdraw?

some days i just bounce between laughing in the living room and crying in the bathroom until i don't know how or what i am feeling.
I am currently Exhausted
I am listening to hubby and little man talking about their respective day

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This Holiday Season
11/06/2008 03:08 p.m.
I have a huge family as does my husband. Every year we struggle at the holiday season trying to figure what to give and how to afford it all. This year, I have decided that I am going eco-friendly. Everything will be repurposed, recycled, and/or upcycled, right down to the gift wrap.

I wish I knew how to post pictures. But if you are interested in finding some wonderful handmade, recycled gift item, please take a moment to check out some wonderful artists here:

http://www.etsy.com/search_results.php?search_type=tag_title&search_query=reuse
I am listening to Robots (the movie)

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i can't find the words...
09/10/2008 03:07 a.m.
...to express what's inside. usually when i hit a writer's block it's because i have nothing to write about. these days there is much i want to say...just can't get it to come out right (or write).


I am currently Content
I am listening to mozart and hubby puttering around the house

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Introspective Series
08/16/2008 02:24 p.m.
as i drifted to sleep last night, i was taken with the idea of writing a series of short poems defining those emotions, experiences, thoughts that most often rise to the surface of who i am. perhaps when its all done, i'll be able to pull back and view myself as a whole instead of focusing just on a single facet at a time.
I am currently Apathetic
I am listening to Counting Crows and my child laughing

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creative spirit flows like water
01/26/2008 05:27 a.m.
...but not always in the direction we want it to. i can't put two words together to save my life these days, but i have been working very hard in my other creative love. i just opened up my shop on etsy.com and working hard to get it all settled. hope to be back here and writing soon. maybe my muse will change directions soon.

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5318640
I am currently Creative
I am listening to some weird band on PBS

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