Stumbled upon this gem..
05/02/2012 10:06 p.m.
I never thought I'd feel compelled to read (or share) any part of Esquire magazine...




"Women: You're Hard to Get to Know"

You're not a mystery, exactly. Nor enigmatic. It's just that your hard drive is internal. You have no flashing lights. You look better in pants than you think. You like some of the songs we like. You like some other songs that we pretend not to like. You don't even pretend to like Springsteen. (What's the matter with you?) If you follow a sport, it's probably football. If you have a sin, it's probably salt, not chocolate.

Daffodils, not roses. You remember which one of us you kissed first; we remember you, too. You think we kissed you, but you kissed us. You cheat as much as we do, which is too bad for us, because we're more trusting. Your peak, in all things, is forty-four years of age. That's not to say you weren't hot when you were younger; You were a knockout at twenty-six. The funny thing about you is, you think you're hotter now, so you are. However, you give a worse massage than you think you give. (Don't get us wrong, we're not complaining.) You're more patient than we are, but your patience is far from infinite, and your rage, once triggered, runs deeper. You know how to hold a grudge. And yet you'll stick with us for longer than is sensible for you.

You call them your tits, just like the rest of us do. You're more attracted to Sean Penn than you care to admit.

Your hearts beat faster than ours yet you live longer. That doesn't make any sense. You have better balance, but you can't hold your breath as long. You were born and you will die with the same forehead.

You're not that funny. You'd like to go for a drive to Chicago this weekend, but you'll settle for Kansas City. You like to eat. Fuck it, then. Eat. You look better to us when you drink beer out of the bottle, when you play bass guitar in an otherwise all-male band, when you wear cotton briefs rather than a thong, and when you wear clear nail polish or none at all. You also look awesome in a flannel shirt. Apparently, you look best to us when you look like a man -- specifically, a drunk lumberjack with rhythm. That doesn't make any sense, either.

The Catholic-schoolgirl thing is hard to explain but, absolutely, yes.

You first broke a boy's heart in the seventh grade. You probably don't even know you did it, but you definitely did. You sat in the front of the class, close to Mrs. Murney, and we sneaked sideways glances at you when we went to sharpen our pencils. Then one day we all went on a ski trip, and on the way home you sat beside us on the bus, and you put your head on our shoulder and we thought we had a chance, but you were just tired from skiing. You looked cute in a stocking cap.

You liked Jason instead. You need to stop pretending your cat can spell phonetically. You might be able to fool boys, but you can't fool men. Your boyfriend is a boy. You're not as desperate to get married as the movies make you out to be. If you have children and someone has wronged them, you're just as capable of violence as we are. The difference is, you would use a knife. You would look better either without your tattoo or with more of them. You've felt sicker to your stomach than we have. You're nicer to us than we are to you. But we're nicer people.

You'll still catch yourself wondering what your life would have been like with him long after we've forgotten about her. You hope it will be something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow, too. You'll miss us when we're gone, but not as much as we would miss you. Maybe that's why we die first. Your hearts beat faster, but they have less blood to push.

You know who you are.

Do you want to go to Kansas City?
I am currently Calm

Comments (5)

BLOCK
04/25/2012 08:27 p.m.
I can't seem to get my brain organized enough to write something that has any meaning. It's all gibberish.

I feel like I've lost whatever talent I had. What's happened?

Ugh.
I am currently Dismayed

Comments (5)

Rain, rain go away.
01/03/2012 06:43 p.m.
I don't think I know the difference between love and hate. They originate from the same place inside of me, sometimes simultaneously, and it is maddening.

The human condition blows.
I am currently Angry

Comments (1)

Pain
12/12/2011 06:09 p.m.
Toothache = Absolute agony
I am currently Restless

Comments (1)

If I ain't dead already, girl, you know the reason why.
11/28/2011 05:41 p.m.
I wish I could be as honest as I used to, feel the way I did before it all.

Lately I've been

1. Reading Murakami and being dragged through the gamut of emotions.
2. Drinking ungodly amounts of apple juice.
3. Sleeping with my cat, in my own apartment, for the first time in seven months.
4. Spending money I don't have.
5. Practicing silence and generally failing.
6. Staring at my phone and waiting for calls that never come.
7. Being denied and dealing with my subsequent emotional response.
I am currently Blue
I am listening to 'Yer Blues' - The Beatles

Comments (0)

How long must I wait?
11/23/2011 06:59 p.m.
What does it take to get a drink in this place?
I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to The Postal Service

Comments (0)

Naltrexone
11/14/2011 02:24 a.m.
What a difference a weekend and new medication can make. Hope this lasts.
I am currently Better
I am listening to Counting Crows

Comments (0)

Hello, is there anybody in there?
11/10/2011 08:44 p.m.
Someone please shoot me. Right between the eyes. Thanks.
I am currently Frustrated

Comments (2)

Some just don't know how to change.
11/09/2011 07:32 p.m.
I stare when I'm sad. Sit and stare at nothing. Even at work.

Numbing out is a lot harder when I don't have drugs.
I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to 'The Hours' soundtrack

Comments (1)

something
10/27/2011 09:02 p.m.
I keep falling into emotions
without caution
as if love is going to sour and sadness is withering.
I split the pad of my thumb in two places
on a pair of scissors
that aren't even supposed to be sharp anymore.
I only know how to answer questions
that haven't been asked
like How much does this hurt?

Comments (0)

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