[sparrows]
10/11/2005 05:17 a.m.
i thought that looked like the right word. you ever get that?

a single word can look perfect to match how you feel. it's similar to word relation - only your taking your emotions and pulling a word out of the air. i've written pieces like this before - where a word sets the tone. ... the piece can have absolutely nothing to do with the word - but it was based around it.

letters look good together sometimes. they are self-describing. colors and numbers and letters all can do that.... that will be covered some other time though - assuming that i can remember. i have a whole theory on a persons name fitting to certain colors.

it's the psychology of the thing. don't you see?

i'm sure there's something about the word being plural, beginning and ending in 's', the double 'r', the individual letters and their combinations, the word itself and what it is - what the connotations are behind the word, the recent trend of brackets... never examined anything like that before? this is my mind.

a sparrow, in the first century c.e. (at least, we could say biblical times, but this is the only time period that i know this information about for sure) .... first century c.e. - sparrows were worth very little value. so little that if you bought four, you got the fifth free. and they could be bought for a fraction of the poorest persons wages. ... i don't know what the relation is with that and me though.

.... if i keep looking at the word... it dosen't seem so perfect. ... what's your perfect word for this very moment? comment, please.
I am currently Thoughtfull
I am listening to "Secret Heart" by Feist

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two areas two animals = four nouns
10/10/2005 06:17 a.m.
the sea. the hawk. the tiger. the woods.

this is an expression of sunday's victories. i watched the seahawks beat the rams - then watched the first half of the playoff between tiger woods and john daly. the second half cut off; but now i read that daly botched the 16th hole [the second playoff hole] with a missed 3 footer. this is the lamest thing i've ever written in a blog/journal entry before.

that was the most intense round of golf i've ever seen before, though.

...and now i must continue to prepare a radio station for grand opening. goodnight.
I am currently Indifferent
I am listening to Martin Tillman, "Reoccuring Dream" [lounging sound radio]

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jeanna wrote...
10/09/2005 07:29 a.m.
snowman slipping away;

suppose my words were never enough


I respond:

snowmen slip in their time
yet,
past winter is spring;
the summer of love
to fall at your feet
your words ARE enough



I am currently Poetic
I am listening to '3 Scene aux champs' from Berlioz' "Symphonie Fantastique"

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[something the boy said]
10/09/2005 04:17 a.m.
we would never have marched so far to be food for a crow.

in most of the choices of our life, maybe even all of them, we could've 'take the other road'. what if we had? what if we'd not gone with our desires, but our instincts? what if our instincts and our desires are the same? what does this mean?

i don't know. this could be followed with alot of typing.

...but it won't. i think my hands are too cold for typing this. that could be an excuse.

i don't have much mind for thinking right now, unfortunately. i can only repeat song lyrics. ... this is the last resort for a person with no expression.

ok... i may return later.
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to "Send Your Love" by Sting

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[good frequencies]
10/08/2005 07:18 a.m.
yesterday, i experienced a substance that i've not experienced since the earliest days of my childhood. it was something so strange and confusing that i actually thought i was dead. please, correct my spelling if i'm wrong, i think it was called.... silence.

a question proposes itself: is silence a dark substance... or a light substance?

i'm a person that thinks life should have it's own soundtrack (musical references: brian eno's "music for films" 1-4, textures, ambient 1-4, ... you know what, just his entire collection pretty much). however, i also believe that the basis for all sound is silence. ambient sound/music is the connection. this is the crossroads where music meets silence.

the following is taken from the liner notes of brian eno's "discreet music" (his first official exploration into the creation of ambient music): "an ambience is defined as an atmosphere, or a surrounding influence: a tint." he continues to explain how regular musics "brighten", masking the accoustic qualities of the atmosphere. ... taking away from silence.

thus, ambient music was created not even to enhance the atmosphere - but, if anything, enhance the listeners awareness of the atmosphere - create normality outside the human mind (as to regular musics creation of normality for the human mind). too, ambient music has been created to create an atmosphere that dosen't exist; to set the listener in a different atmosphere. from here, it's grown through other musicians/artists to actually be able to create an atmosphere around the listener.

however, i digress. the original point is to draw the balance of the human mind with it's atmosphere. to become one with it's actual ambiance. - so, silence is the origin of the sound of what's around you - to be filled with computer humming, fans, cars on the street, crickets...

so, i return to my original question: is silence a dark substance, or a light substance?

i cannot provide a straight forward answer, because none exists. silence is what you make it - or what your surroundings make it. to most people, silence is dark. even in the light of day, silence would be dark. however, to other's, silence may be light - serenity where there is none. a lamp in a dark place. that is based on the mind.
..........................

to be continued or rewritten i think all together. i've spent the good portion of 2 hours writing this. i get so caught up in the reading/research that it just takes too long. then i jump to the end before i've written the beginning.

i hope some of this makes sense.

all i remember is the question was posed to me: light or dark. which is silence?

sound seems to me to be a tainting - period. whether its ambient or not - it's not natural. ambient is close in that it can blend in... become part of the atmosphere even - enhancing it's qualities (as Erik Satie may have been trying to get at with his awkward silence filling 'musique d'ameublement', or, furniture music).

however, when you are waving your hand at the dust particles in the ray of light through the shades of your darkened bedroom, are you hearing the dawn? can you hear the sun warming the room? is it light?
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Aphex Twin's "Schottkey 7th Path" [on lounging sound radio]

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[emergence]
10/07/2005 07:05 a.m.
i live for the rain. ... it's funny, i wrote a line once that said "i hate the rain in january" - that's a bold faced lie. i love the rain any time of the year. it's raining now. ... it dosen't make me depressed; it makes me introspective. i don't know if anyone knows anything about personality types - but i'm a xnxj - i'm both introverted and extroverted & i'm both thinking and feeling. (i wonder how rare it is to have both). either way, the rain causes me to become, i feel, more observant - not just about myself, but about everyone.

so, in examination of myself, i admit to being incredibly aroused right now - yet almost completely in control of it. it's not the weather - i'm just... due. i go through periods of emitting pheromones (an animalistic quality), panting, and howling a mating call (which, before i had high speed internet, was a dialtone). however, i've been able to control it better than i used to - i don't view pornography or anything like that - and do what i can to suppress the beast from coming out in me - especially at the full moon.

and i'm almost completely in control.

almost.

this means i'm suppressing them, not exciting them. but... my hands are shaking.

...........

sorry... continuing.

emergence comes, today, in the form of self realization that i can get over things that have become closer to my mind and heart than anything ever. don't assume that i'm referring to a woman. i'm speaking in generalities. whatever may become incredibly dear to me - and no matter how jealous i could become over it (if, for example, it was a woman), i think that i can now overcome that without skipping a beat. ... however, i sincerely hope that if ever a woman touches me like this, that it never gets to a point that i have to realize this (and actually having to follow through with it).

.............

i've said my piece. it's late night ramble. i really learned nothing today. tomorrow is new - fresh - rainy (hopefully) - and comes in shades of grey, brown, orange, yellow, red, and flannel.

it's 11.49pm - thursday night - the 2544th anniversary of the medo-persian empire overthrowing babylon in one night as king belshazzar (a vassal king in place of his father nabonidas) partied away using the sacred golden utensils of the temple of the true god. the gates were open, no one was around, and the waters of the moat that kept mighty babylon mighty, were subsided to make way for the medes and the persians. the moral of the story - are you seeing the handwriting on the wall? (taken from the fact that a hand appeared to everyone in the party of the king writing these words on the wall: "mene mene tekel parsin" - translated by daniel the prophet to mean: "your days are numbered, you have been weighed and found deficient, and your kingdom will be divided and given to the medes and the persians".

you think that's trippy? last night was the anniversary of the same jews that were in exile in babylon returning to their homeland in 536b.c.e.

i'm wearing tan slacks, olive green dress socks, white with cross-hatched blue stripes dress shirt, and a brown cordouroy (spell?) sports coat (dress jacket - whatever).
I am currently Scattered
I am listening to my computer humming

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[hydroponic garden]
10/06/2005 07:26 a.m.
loungingsound.com has signed on two more record labels today. Metropolis Records (KMFDM, Grendel, Juno Reactor) and Ultimae Records (Aes Dana, H.U.V.A. Network, Solar Fields, Mystical Sun, Robert Rich, Craig Padilla). Ultimae will be the most useful I think. I was suprised to see that Mystical Sun and Robert Rich were under that label (I'm sure this is all newly done and not acredited to past albums). This is more than I could have hoped for. Anyways, I look forward to hearing their musics on the station. I'm sampling sounds right now from Ultimae Records. Great great stuff. I don't know why I'm writing this here.... maybe because you can see into what inspires me to write.

12.17AM Thursday October 6th 2005
I'm wearing worn blue jeans
a teal.... yeah, teal... hanes sweater
one of my Lounging Sound baseball t's
white socks
white boxer-briefs
and headphones.
How 1337 am I?
I am currently Tired
I am listening to ...soundclips from Solar Fields "Blue Moon Station"

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oceana pacifica
10/05/2005 06:44 a.m.
the following is from a piece that i'm working on. i think i like this single stanza and that's it. unfortunately.

deep blue-green pacific below
the phoenix sun ascending
red and orange wings
taper up the sky pretending


.......


that's it. sometimes it flows, sometimes not.

i saw some pictures of my ex-wife today - like... recent ones. disturbing. veeeerryyyy disturbing. she claims to make $250,000 annually. apparently the government is giving money away for newly weds.

see, that's funny because she's now divorced from her second husband.

a year after our divorce.
I am currently Lucky
I am listening to 'Stars' by Brian Eno [at www.loungingsound.com - quality radio]

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impossibles [one]
10/02/2005 10:50 p.m.
Getting my words critiqued. I see people reading my stuff, but not alot of feed back. Out of the 225+ times people have read my work, 25 times I've been critiqued. Even if it's bad people, let me know. That's the whole point, right?

Thank you in advance.

_____


I read a license plate rim today that said: "Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal." The Seahawks lost to the Redskins today. So that made my day.
I am currently Indifferent
I am listening to [untitled track] (ambient track) by Aphex Twin on Lounging Sound

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the soul cages
10/01/2005 07:40 p.m.
I was commenting on a post of Jeanna Cole's, when it made me think about Sting's album The Soul Cages. I commented on her post saying that Sting wrote the Cages about his father and was overcome with emotions many times during his writing (and down to this day, supposedly, in his performing of music from there: particularly, Why Should I Cry For You?).

The subject for this post is just general discussion of this fact. ... What I told Jeanna was to come back to material you may have written in an over emotional state. In review of the material, you can take the original idea/feeling and edit the entire piece into a more descriptive, energy transferrable, emotional piece.

...I forgot where I was going with this. I think I made the point though.

A stone is thrown from Jerusalem/I walked a lonely mile in the moonlight/and though a million stars were shining/my heart was lost on a distant planet/that whirls around the April moon/whirling in an arc of sadness/I'm lost without you/I'm lost without you... Mad About You - Sting
I am currently Thoughtfull
I am listening to .... 'Mad About You', Sting from "The Soul Cages".

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