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pathetic.org :: member journal

The Journal of Rebecca Lin

02/22/2012 06:16 a.m.
I think I’ve wanted to be a different person for a long time, but I can never change. Everyone keeps telling me I’m an artist lately. I guess this is a good thing. I’m very emotional and have very strong beliefs.

I hate hypocrites and hate fronts. Why does everyone put up a facade all the time?

I think vulnerability is fascinating. Maybe because I constantly feel vulnerable. I guess sometimes I say too much about what’s going on in my head because I hope it’ll establish what I am. I hope that lets some of my vulnerability out. But people are uncomfortable with vulnerability. It makes them think I’m weak. But people are weak! We’re all vulnerable but no one shows it. I think vulnerability is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and full of truth. Why does everyone want to be so deceitful?

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is it
03/19/2010 03:59 a.m.
Is it bad that I want her to feel bad...I really want her to feel alone and upset and worthless...just like she's made me feel...

You know what...to answer my own question. That is bad. I can't control what she does. And I won't wish her harm anymore. Instead I need to focus on the positive aspects of my life without her in it.

So long and good riddance.

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03/09/2010 08:51 a.m.
I wrote this in 10th grade in high school. Some things never change.

"A very important word to me is hope. I think we all must have hope, cherish hope and never let it go. I've come to realize that when everything is hitting and chipping at me, hope keeps me sane. Hope is easily clichéd, but it is important. I want to leave this world knowing that hope actually was a good thing. I want to tell people to have hope, even if everything doesn't always go right. To dream about something to come can be difficult, but I find it so worth it instead of living in pessimism thinking nothing will ever get better. Maybe one day that boy will like you. Maybe one day you'll feel complete again (even though all your loved ones are gone). I hope to become a better person as I grow up. I wrote a poem once perfectly describing myself; I always felt that I was "Vulnerable, not beautiful," but I hope one day that I can change. The thing is, for me it's hard to just dream and not do anything about it. When I hope, I drive myself to try to achieve what I am dreaming about. Some things are more difficult to attain, but just that feeling that everything is within reach if you want it enough is a comforting thing to me."

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06/12/2009 03:27 a.m.
I apologize for melodramatic/whiney journal entries.

Sometimes I get moody.

It's okay...I just need some tea to relax and all is well.

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04/19/2009 04:09 p.m.
I've been a mix of wanting everyone to leave me alone, to not wanting it and getting it anyway.

I know I'm emotional and exaggerating, but I've never felt more alone in my whole life...and I'm sad.
I am currently Bad

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04/05/2009 06:52 a.m.
I feel like "Well look who came crawling back" is a very satisfying expression.

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Three things I want to in my life
03/10/2009 03:42 a.m.
-Above all I want to be an animator and make cartoons
-Be a paranormal investigator
-Save the seals

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I want so bad to be told I'm beautiful
02/17/2009 07:12 a.m.
It's dumb...It's stupid and artifical. But I do.

Appearance wise that is...

I don't know why.

But I guess deep down I just want to love myself...and I feel that through the praise of others, I will? That's dumb. I obviously won't love myself that way...but still, I'm dumb.

I suppose I have to create beauty...and isn't that more wonderful than just being pretty? Looks fade, but something you create doesn't necessarily.

Man, it's too late for this.

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I've been reminiscing a lot lately
02/13/2009 02:58 a.m.
...and looking back on my poems.

I've always wrote them and felt they weren't good enough at the time. But I'm so glad I shared them and captured a particular thought and emotion. I remember wanting instant satisfaction back then...I was younger haha. I look at the comments I've received on all these poems, and I'm so appreciative. People have said such wonderful things. They took the time out their lives to read my poems and have actually enjoyed them. That makes me incredibly happy.

I just wanted to thank everyone for all these years.

This is such a great site.

Also, I added a new poem...it's kinda silly. I wrote it at around 4 am :-P

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I found this is an old journal
01/30/2009 05:47 a.m.
"A bloody bride she would sell, but remembered the best revenge was living well."

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