queen
02/11/2009 11:35 p.m.
i'm not someone
who does well as a
casual lover
who's there
when you need her
and gone
when you don't

no, no
that's not how i operate

i like to be
admired, adored
cherished, treasured
worshiped, even

i like to feel
stunning, alluring
desirable, delightful
exquisite, magnificent

i like to feel like
a princess
no, a fucking queen

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old news
02/11/2009 11:17 p.m.
what do you do when
all the
redeeming things
that make you
so special and unique
have become
old news?

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alone
02/07/2009 03:48 a.m.
i think the scariest part
in any life
is that terrifying realization
that sometimes
you are just
all
alone

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self-preservation
01/28/2009 02:44 a.m.
i have said many
unkind things
to you

it was merely
self-preservation

[i didn't even know
i could
hurt you]

and i would apologize
but you always say
there's no need for that
and that you
deserve it


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she
01/14/2009 05:39 a.m.
i am
she
that terrible
three letter word
that is so often followed by
remarks of
frustration
condescension
abomination

"she won't leave me alone"
"she's needy"
"she's crazy"

such a dirty word
thrown around between
guys who all know
how it is
with us

i never thought
i'd be talked about
like one of those
but inevitably, when he speaks,
it is me,
i am she

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handcuffs
01/12/2009 02:21 a.m.
i could run around
unlock my handcuffs
and taste a little of
everything around me;
i could smile
at any man who
i had a pretty good feeling
would smile back

and as much as i could
delude myself
into believing that this was
satisfying
there's just no denying

i have someone who
seems as though he has been crafted
to fit my every desire
and who can hear me clearer
than any smiling stranger

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self-imposed
12/11/2008 06:27 a.m.
i shouldn't be upset
because
i do it to myself

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find it
12/01/2008 10:24 p.m.
empty outbox
password protection
so many measures
of security
leaving no trace
of anything
he's said

he doesn't like the
things he's found
when stumbling
through my documents

but i leave openings
for wandering eyes
because there is nothing
i wouldn't admit to

if he had a secret
i'd never find it

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sorrow
11/26/2008 02:20 a.m.
so much
unexplainable
sorrow

[parasitic]

eating me alive

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smoke
11/21/2008 01:59 a.m.
he taught me
to smoke cigarettes. not the most
wholesome lesson, but
something that stuck with me. before him
i couldn't even
flick the ash.

he taught me
to stop whining and start
doing. exemplified to me that
excuses were pathetic, and success
was entirely in our own hands.

he taught me
how to throw darts on weekday nights
at the bar. how to sound more intelligent by
adjusting my choice of verb conjugation. how to
move my hips in that circular way that guys
really seem to like.

he taught me
to question what i knew, to take
responsibility for my faults, and
if times get hard, smoke.


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