nestled in the crux
11/03/2014 01:12 a.m.
nestled in the crux
of what makes me
me and what
scares me most
he stands
unquestioning
holding me close

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nostalgophiles
08/07/2014 12:58 a.m.
nostalgophiles trapped in yesterday,
addicted, their memories sweeter
than the moment

what am i?
a narcissistic futuristic:
sights only on where we could go
from here


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his fear
03/25/2014 07:54 p.m.
though time has passed, it's not hard to remember
his fear

his spineless soul like jello
a coward dressed as a king

to him, every word i spoke
was a critique
every touch
an attack

a struggling student
blaming the teacher
he didn't deserve

there was no amount of love
i could give
to make him brave
commitment, stability, devotion
all fell flat

but with her
he tries again—
she seems scared too

i cannot help
that i am fearless
i hope every time
he kisses her
he feels strong

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sign of life
01/06/2014 01:52 a.m.
and then there you are
a still nearly silent heartbeat
in a dark room

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request romance/bad mistake
09/29/2013 03:32 p.m.
is it fair to request romance
and commitment when
what i have feels more true

the quiet slumber
of a boy at home

how demanding of me to insist
that he shares that tiny blanket
with me
when he's cold already

he sleeps with
his door open

that should be enough

--

i will surrender my agenda
if we can sit close enough
a beggars-can't-be-choosers
kind of love;
maybe if you wanted this
as much as i do
i wouldn't need it

love is dumb;
you can insist that you like
men with accountability
integrity, maturity, devotion
and then find yourself knee-deep
in your desires for a man who
has the radiant but challenged heart of
a 16-year-old at best
and despite the logic you use to talk
yourself out of the trap
you only lure yourself deeper

can i throw away everything i've learned?
i would.
i wish i never saw him with his glasses off
i wish i didn't know how soft his hands are
i am seduced by possibility

all the logic in the world can't save me
i'm in love enough to
make a bad mistake


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infatuated
01/14/2013 02:49 a.m.
infatuated
i have been
infatuated before

idealistic admiration
meaningless obsession

this is more

out of your eyes
comes a light only i can see
when you smile
i want to climb inside your mouth

i am so afraid
of you
because i am in love
with you

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nice guys
12/20/2012 03:29 a.m.
there are so many things
i'd take back
about that night
so many things i'd like
to do over

---

nice guys
are the worst

they're only nice because they can't
stand to have their ego damaged by
someone who doesn't adore them
someone who was paying attention enough
to notice how
self-absorbed that
nice guy really is

[more of a rant than a poem]

---
I am listening to ortiz

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peripheral vision
12/17/2012 12:01 a.m.
i can't look
right at you
that would
say too much

but i know where
you are
who you're talking
to and what
you're thinking

there you are
king of my peripheral vision

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hiding
12/07/2012 01:27 a.m.
it's like i am looking
for you
expecting that you're hiding
around the next corner

waiting for me to find you
I am listening to uccellini

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waiting for
12/04/2012 02:30 a.m.
for you i've mastered patience
never before have i
let a man
make me wait

someone who i don't
really know
someone who i cannot prove
will be right

but someone who
i feel is worth
waiting for

----

if you came today
you wouldn't even have to apologize


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