Young Girls?
10/26/2004 02:24 p.m.
"young girls, they do get weary."

What is the tune with those lyrics?

Older girls sure do, too. Emotionally weary, in this case, not physically, and not oppresively so. But enough to know I need to go away, to dissipate, escape, shut down the constant pressure of thought, in my mind, restore, whether to exotic or average, but scenically, (is that a word?)different places. Enjoy being more remote from routine, worry, unintentional, subtle but felt blows coming at me, in the unwitting game of life, but happy and celebrant in private restoring the self, meditating on the blessings so abundant.
To follow a hegira, explore a hiatus. Escaping the constant neighborhood construction two houses down, and now the new project, one house down.

No phone, no computer, no door-to-door salespeople, no errands, no house labour. No more medical appointments, briefly, ... or loved ones in the hospital, (and hopefully none going there while we're away, but the future daughter-in-law is getting four wisdom teeth out just before, so I'll have a while to help her recover if I'm needed before going) and our brother-in-law is recuperating from pneumonia (complication of his cancer) at home now. Trying to take no worries I can't solve there, the best I can bring is my prayers to the Laurentian mountains, (not even any poetry or studies planned to get done).

Though not the best time of year for scenery by then, the price will be better in this off-season and the time, for an extended weekend away, long-needed.

I know I will be more refreshed for the labour when I return.

In a few weeks or so, almost planning to so many times, then with fate interrupting, I'm determined to go.
It's not Italy, (yet), or Japan or somewhere like that, but it's beautiful. In the beloved area of St.-Sauveur, Quebec, a getaway weekend awaits. Maybe even a Swedish massage with the salts of the dead sea. A few swims in the pool, curling up later by the fireside. Some early Christmas shopping in the quaint streets of Saint Sauveur with the little boutiques. Or back at the lodge, watching them make the artificial snow to start the winter season.
I am currently Bummed
I am listening to the roof work next door

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Furniture Poems
10/15/2004 03:32 p.m.
We seem to have a bit of a furniture opening going on right now on here in our poems. If you’re looking for a secretary desk, check out Bruce Niedt’s Heirloom. A Chair? Chris Sorrenti. If an old washstand is your fancy, my Our Christmas Wish. Welcome to our gallery.
I am currently Creative
I am listening to Celine Dion

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Cranberry Darts and A Warm Spirit
10/11/2004 05:40 p.m.
Although I’ve always been one to treasure the past (at least the best of it) and the lessons it’s taught us, the paths explored there, I’m very much present-centered and also excited about the future with our new minister at church. It’s only his fourth week but already he’s inspiring me,(both of our previous ministers did this too, in their own unique ways) and making me reflect on topics and attitudes and approaches to spirituality in a new light, while refreshing my convictions. I love that.

He comes to us from out of town, originally Manitoba, then other parts of Ontario, and has a golden retriever and loves cottage life, is an avid canoeist who teaches canoeing too, and he shares his family stories with us beautifully. Not to mention his cello, which he’s played for us already at church. He's very into the arts, and nature. We are going to have a movie night at church once a week, which is something I look forward to for any chance I'll have to take advantage of it. I'm also going to be reaffirming my faith in a small ceremony sometime in the near future. He's helping me with that plan as I requested it.

In the air of change that Fall always brings, and life indeed, it is strengthening and optimistic to be looking forward to more participation in the church community and the volunteer work there. It suits where I am emotionally in my life, my growth forward, new doors and steps, even out of old ones (this being my girlhood church). We’ll be celebrating the 40th anniversary of this particular one (I started with a little grey stone church nearby, before this one was built). So there will be lots of memory stirring, but I’m more focused in all aspects of my life on the excitement of the new paths. Looking back to the past often is painful now. Beautiful but bittersweet.

The future can be frightening and insecure but due to faith and my investment in all of that, it feels positive and not as lonely as it would definitely, otherwise.

It should be a happy fall and winter and new year. With the wedding upcoming and the cake soon in the making for the son and his fiancee, and their move to a new apartment, and my daughter’s exciting progress in university and career...new people entering the family life, and friendships...
there is little room for negativity or glumness. Which aren’t healthy anyway. Humour is the healthiest, plus helping others, (like a few pets on the street lately I’ve been saving from ill fortune) and love and what it gives back to you when you give it out. The children at church in circle time with the minister were volunteering answers to what to thank God for, and of course the usual hit the list, chocolate, pumpkins, etc. and one just summed it all up as “food.” (Which is really a good answer, considering the Food Bank in Ottawa is really struggling to feed more people than ever).
But it was cheering and heartening to hear their innocent voices, and he had a lot of fun helping coach them about the day and what we might appreciate.

The countryside’s beauty (we visited my sister in her rural home) and the sweet sumac, lovely in our neighborhood as well, a huge hundred-fold flock of geese in great commotion this morning, blue delphiniums and the turning crimson maple out back, all heartened me so. On Saturday night I couldn’t sleep much, and at two in the morning saw the most incredible partial moon with the stars all in line. The next morning I was stopped on my usual walk by the depth of colour of the sumac and sat a while on a fence rail fingering one, and thought of its treasure. Even in the chilling winds and the trials of change and life, such gorgeous touches of the greater spirit surround us.

sumac at my side
after a sleepless night
consulting nature as friend
I stroke the brilliant cranberry darts
and see how good life is
and know it is no accident
but a miracle

I am currently Cool

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IM problems on here
10/02/2004 03:11 p.m.
Hi folks. Since yesterday afternoon, I can't seem to get into my messages or send them out or reply to comments by quote or reply, so if you don't hear from me that's why. I asked about it on site help on the forum. Thanks.

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Off computer about a week or more
09/18/2004 01:31 p.m.
As the computer and I will be getting adjustments (my hand surgery Wed the 22nd, putting me off here for maybe as much as five days, maybe fewer), I won't be on as of sometime later today and for a good stretch. I'll miss you friends, and your work, but will catch up later. Thanks Maureen.
I am currently Cool
I am listening to Majic l00 and tina turner I ain't missing you

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Lawyers and Clowns
09/01/2004 05:06 p.m.
There’s something about drawing up or refreshing your Last Will and Testament (not due to any impending doom but just out of responsibility) that welcomes the relief of humour, and fortunately for our family, our newly-chosen barrister who’s assuming the job of taking care of that with us, is very witty. He could have been a teacher, (we met him when he taught the pre-retirement course) but I think even more suitably, a writer or comedian. But hey, let’s face it, there’s a huge difference in the lucrative nature of the his current career compared to the latter ones, he would have been J. K. Rowlings or Bob Newhart.

He could copyright some of his imaginative and humourous terms he uses to characterize life situations for people. I think I’d be plagiarizing to put them down here though it’s very tempting, they’re so brilliant and fun.

But he talks very quickly and it’s all matter-of-fact common nature to him, so he learned early in his hour with us yesterday that I like it slower and more deliberately lain out - hey I know it’s not sex we’re talking about, but we do all have our paces and styles. I’m the ask-questions, clarify first, then draw it up, type, who’ll look you straight in the eye when you deliver the goods.
The notetaker, (which actually helps, even if irritates)because doctors and lawyers seem to realize I mean business and have done and will continue to do my homework, so don’t rush away with glib pat comments and answers and leave me hanging, cause I’ll call you up on it right away and also I’ll quote what you told me earlier, even if it was ten months ago.

I don’t do it as a weapon or ploy, but because I need to, but it does slow them in their tracks and make them respect my intensity.

When we took the retirement course in December I learned early that this professional who’s been giving these talks about Last Wills and Testaments for years to office workers, in our government town, was quick-witted and quick-talking. What was refreshing about him was that the dreaded and potentially depressing and oppressive topic goes down smoothly and entertainingly with him at the helm. Both times I had to see him I hadn’t looked forward to it really, and though was somewhat feeling the stress of the seriousness of what we were doing, (you know, Personal Care and Living Will details, Inheritance in the event of our deaths, decisions of care should one of us be incapacitated etc.) I ended up feeling much better and interested, with a lighter take on it, which I needed.

Humor is a glorious tool that way. For personal relationships, therapy, etc. and I’m blessed with most of my specialists being gifted with Humor. Even though I sense competition, maybe even dislike or lack of connection sometimes with someone, when we dig down to the Humor or compassion (that’s another biggie he showed well)then they’ve got me on their side and won more of my trust.

And as in death issues, there is plenty of Humor in these situations if one breathes a bit and sees it. It gets you through.

Now there’s relief, knowing our updates are fresh and the long-needed re-vamping clarifies and re-assigns responsibilities properly and details are covered so that our modest affairs are safe from big brother and the government taking assets that are intended for family. You’d be surprised at the omissions and errors people don’t have covered sometimes, and wouldn’t know about if they just do their own will and don’t check with the pro’s.

Now, the assignment of what to do with my literary inheritance...my dream papers...is another story, not yet solved.

We have lots on our minds these days in the family, the good and bad tests of life very imminently upon us, and we’re working hard to keep on our toes with everything.

On Sunday our new minister begins at our church and that will be an important and happy day, I’m sure. Fittingly, there is a christening that day too so he has a busy first morning.

Well, the medical appointments of September and October are beginning today, (just routine and catch-up ones on many areas of the body, boy a body keeps you busy). Today it’s my skin doctor.
Later in the month, Eyes. In between, the hand surgery for my Dupotroyen’s Contracture in my right (writing hand) which will probably keep me off the keyboard a few days (starting Sept 22).

By October I have my full physical again.

Classes and poetry readings get busier in the fall too, as do contests, so I’m taking my vitamins religiously as I usually try to do.

Amidst this and fixing up poems, the house, working on the novel and studying about novels,
there’s the return to university for our daughter, and the pre-retirement planning of my husband.

I’m so glad I got in the writers’ retreat recently (as in my recent poem A Clown’s Kiss) and let my hair down a bit there. A wonderful, rejuvenating and inspiring, fun weekend in the country with fine people and writers. Though the poem sounds rather ominous, or upsetting, in actual fact that clown did put more smiles on my face and brought out more laughter from me, especially right before my Joan of Arc Monologue Sat evening, than people have seen in me for a long time. A very kindred, spiritual, soft-hearted warm person, and very extroverted and brilliant. Even without the pink lips.

When moments are oppressive or depressing now, I think of some of the moments there at the retreat and the smiles he brought out, just as a very congenial person with everyone, as well as being a modest but fantastic writer, and I feel more carefree. Lots of my new friends and older ones there helped with that. Not even aware they were helping me, I imagine.
Nature and the scenery did the rest, and it’s not difficult for that to happen in that lovely area near Tweed, Ontario. Well, off to my appointment now...groan...but at least this doctor’s humorous, and a storyteller...he’s published some biographies and other books of his own.
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to Majic l00

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A Fresh Waft at Life through Peace
08/13/2004 03:53 p.m.
It was encouraging the other day, while working on my second novel manuscript, (with two novellas manuscripts completed as well years ago) to learn that portions from the first one - The Troubled Tree - are seeing their first days out in the general public eye, and maybe have even experienced being given voice, at a reading by now, in California, after all this time. While I did send out sample chapters from them to a few publishing houses years ago, and in one case in particular had very near success in getting one novella published, (the publishers, General Store in Burnstown, Ontario, were considering it for a year, and wrote a good letter with some tips too in it for me, but then it didn’t turn out to fit their needs), mostly I’ve let them settle in boxes in my office, waiting for re-writes in many places. First novels and novellas can be like that sometimes.

That the portions are in the form of poetry is even more heartening. It was while writing The Troubled Tree, the novel I refer too (but also my novella In the Spirit of Renovation) that poetry raised her head in my work for the first time since my teens. In hindsight I see that the natural progression or discovery of that leaning was beginning again.

Don Campbell and now Michelle Angelini have been instrumental to me, Don in allowing me the opportunities so often, with wonderful forums for our work and Michelle more recently, offering to provide voice at the mic, to some of my Peace through Poetry Anthology poems in our shared circle. The regret that I have never yet been able to participate physically in person in the San Gabriel Poets, is eased by their strong support. I also credit the internet for all this, and internet poetry sites Poesie com and Pathetic.org. The early encouragement to explore the internet more fully for my literary life I credit to Chris Sorrenti. He's shown many fellow poets the same inspiration. Though sometimes it's had its headaches, and has to be treated carefully as a tool, I found, it has turned out to be a more rewarding work organ, but also social venue, than I’d imagined in those early days.

It’s fascinating the way we writers, and maybe in particular novelists though I believe the poet side of us too, think. I am as thrilled for Michael Stephen Armstrong, as for myself, that his poems are getting published in the Peace through Poetry Anthology, and I gave him the first credits in my submission for those two poems. Because he wrote them. But who is he?
The poet-soldier character, and one of the main protagonists in The Troubled Tree.

Though we can develop characterization very realistically and interestingly in poetry, one benefit to me in fiction writing, whether short story, novella or novel, is that I can more fully stay with and raise a character to portray his or her reality. Perhaps if in these times readers accepted and publishers still accepted the epic poem genre, character development and plot would be more viable in that genre of writing.

If Oprah Winfrey’s revival of interest in the general public in the classics and reading in general is working so well, maybe one of we poets should appeal to her to promote poetry as well, long or short volumes of it, and that would help? Much poetry certainly adheres well to the spiritual, meditative kind of lifestyle her magazine and other forums are often promoting lately.

In any case, I’m very excited -1) because of the latest topic, dear to my heart, (Peace through Poetry), for which Don invited me to contribute poems to via his e-mails to me, and the sites he runs, and 2) for the bringing to the public eye and finding voice in California for some of the material from my earlier novel. It makes me want to start sending it out again. I’m committed right now to the newest one, my main project, but will be looking at The Troubled Tree, polishing still, and marketing it as well one of these days soon I hope.

Meanwhile I wait in happy anticipation for my copy from Don, and to see Michael’s poems, and one of my own, (he he do I sound schizophrenic? Maybe we’re all necessarily a bit insane, we writers) as well, and to see the fine work of my colleages in the anthology.

I will be away most of the weekend after early this afternoon, for a writing retreat at cabins at the general setting of my current novel in progress. In fact, one of the characters comes directly from the actually place where I'm going, in Ontario, half way to Toronto. So that's exciting also. I plan to get some more headway on that material plus the absorption of inspiration there.


I am currently Cheerful

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My Library
07/31/2004 05:40 p.m.
Due to current submitting for publication, (where their rules stipulate the pieces shouldn't be elsewhere published) some of my better, more recent works will not be appearing on here now or until I've heard if they are unaccepted for use where I'm trying them. So if you're wondering, just ask me. Thanks for all your constant support, friends. If one is accepted (or more) in either a contest or in that on-line publication (and maybe hard copy too) I'll mention it here or on the Brag Board. It won't be for a couple of months that I'll know.
I am currently Content

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The Moon Walk Night Thirty-Five Years Ago
07/20/2004 11:43 a.m.
From Maureen Lorna Matley's little red diary book

July 20, 1969

Tonight the astronauts were walking on the moon, and we all watched on television here at home, my family and Neil, who'd come over to see me. Then he took me for a walk to get cokes at the corner store, and we held hands all the way there and back. We stopped half-way there to stare at the moon, imagining Neil Armstrong, etc. up there, and after an excited silence, then my Neil asked me if I’d go steady with them. I said yes! Later back at the house he presented me with a ruby-coloured ring. He’d planned this all along.
~~~~

July 20, 2004

I had fun searching through my old diary boxes to come across this entry. Neil and I had been going out for a month, at the time. I was fifteen when we met, but he was nineteen. It started as me tagging along with my sister and her new boyfriend, whose best friend was Neil. Who knew when my sister wanted to include me in going out with her new crowd, that I'd fall in love? She ended up married later to Neil's friend, and having a wonderful boy with him, Kirk Matthew. She was four years younger than her man too. My sister is only l4 months older than me. Neil and I went together for three years, then broke up, but remained friends until we both married other people and lost touch. It’s funny, though, whenever there is talk of the first moonwalk, I think back to going steady for the first time, and buying cokes (a big treat since we rarely had them in my parents’ house except on very special occasions).

Do people still go steady, even? Well, that was the evening of two important Neil’s for me at the time.“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" (Armstrong from the Sea of Tranquility Lunar Surface, July 20, 1969), and it seemed a large step for Neil and I at the time. Some reports now claim that moon walk was a falsehood, others that Armstrong's wasn’t the first moon walk, but I do believe the 1969 moon walk really occurred.

I have many pages to re-staple and go over in pen in my diaries, as they’re fading, some I made the error of writing in pencil in my youth. Several of those are unreadable now, sadly. So I must take time aside and work on what I can in my old diary box.
- Maureen Lorna Glaude


I am currently Content

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What I did for Love *
07/16/2004 03:45 p.m.
This year I’ve been enjoying (for the most part) catching The Canadian Idol tv shows whenever I can, and also voting if I get through on the lines, before giving up. I’m tremendously proud of and impressed with many of our talents across the country. We’re now down to having selected the last group of l0 finalists, and it’ll be a real showdown starting next Wednesday with the total of 32 left I believe. I didn’t watch last year, as I kept missing it for some reason, (I think my own real life activities and artistic pursuits)but am making up for it this year. Since receiving a DVD player for Christmas, our VHS machine is disconnected as we needed the electrical outlet or cords or something, for the other, so I don't tape right now. The part I hate, just as I did with American Idol, is that the judges are so cruel often. Even with a sense of the experience of the harshness of criticism being part of the artistic life, ever since I was a young high school actress, and now as a writer, I still don’t think there is a need to ridicule and publicly crush these young peoples’ spirits by hitting below the belt (sorry for the cliche) with non-constructive and often irrelevant assaults. I never forgot the blows my acting peers and I received at one provincial finalist festival, when we were performing for our high school there. I also auditioned by invitation for the National Theatre School in Montreal, (they were fair and not crushing, though, in their comments, when I didn’t quite get in.) So I know it’s a hard life, but really....
So that’s the part I don’t like to support when watching, but I love seeing the camaraderie, resilience, and talent of the entrants so I watch and vote. I think both in the U.S. and Canada, and likely Australia and wherever these are also held, the entrants are bonding and building from the experience, and hopefully no-one lets the criticisms thwart their love of what they are trying to do or their self-esteem.

This week when Elena Juatco (l9 years old, from Vancouver, B.C) performed one of my all-time favorite ballads, she did not disappoint me, and got my vote. It was “What I did for Love” from the musical A Chorus Line. (thanks JP for the correction on that slip.)

Elena’s interpretation was quite different, but reflected her vast and intriguing vocal range and ability to turn from hard to soft suddenly in tone.

I’ve always wanted to put the lyrics down somewhere so I have them as they speak to me so much, and I notice there are slightly different versions out there. But til I get the soundtrack basically what I’ve found is this: (I’m dying to get the soundtrack, may ask my sis-in-law Diane if she has (she’s got so much in music) and if not I’ll buy it this weekend probably.

“Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow,
Wish me luck, the same to you,
But I can't regret, what I did for love,
What I did for love.

Took me by surprise,
The gift was ours to borrow,
It's as if we always knew,
What I did for love,
What I did for love.
(?) love is never gone,
As we travel on,
That's what we remember.

Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow,
Thinking, what we had to do, “
Won't forget, can't regret, what I did for love,
What I did for love,
What I did for love,

(?) love is never gone,
As we travel on,
That's what we remember.

Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow,
Thinking, what we had to do,

Won't forget, can't regret, what I did for love,
What I did for love,
What I did for love,
What I did for love,



Some versions have

look my eyes are dry...

it’s as if I always knew...


*What I Did For Love
Lyric credits to
marvin hamlisch/ed kleban

I think the point of the song is very positive in attitude, with an upbeat message, though it may seem like a sad song (which gets us into Jason Greely, the other wild card comeback star last night, who excelled with his upbeat Sad Songs now that he got an extra chance, and admitted ballads are not his forte or usual fare in his Newfoundland performing life).
I am currently Calm

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