I feel like I might drown...
12/04/2003 08:57 p.m.
under my own middling talent. I suck.

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You can't fire me, I quit.
12/04/2003 04:16 a.m.
I don't think I want to write poems anymore.

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Of all of the things I wish you were...
11/30/2003 03:25 p.m.
...indifferent is not one of them, but there it is, staring me in the face. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times I wished I never loved you. Seems like wishing is a waste of my time.

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Hughes
11/22/2003 08:15 p.m.
I got The Birthday Letters from the library, but I haven't read any of it, yet. Too busy re-reading some Tolkien. I've been very curious about Hughes. A lot of people villified him, blamed him for Plath's suicide, but that doesn't seem fair to me. She had tried to kill herself before, long before she met him. The woman was a ticking timebomb. She must have been very hard to live with. She probably drove him away.

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Things I Have in Common With Sylvia Plath:
11/18/2003 06:20 p.m.
She liked rough sex, probably had bipolar disorder, and wrote obsessively about her father.

Similarities end there, because, as we all know, I suck, and she is considered to be one of the best poets of previous century.

In other news, I was kind of on a streak for a few days there, but now I've got nothing.

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When I see...
11/10/2003 08:13 a.m.
...a poem that already has many comments on it, I immediately lose whatever desire I may have had to comment on it, even if I like the poem in question a lot and would comment on it, otherwise. I don't know why. Maybe it's the idea that there's nothing left to say that this person hasn't already heard. Maybe it's not wanting to seem like I'm jumping on a bandwagon by liking something. When the more popular of the people I am fans of post new poems, I only really comment if I get there early enough that the comments section is still a little bare. The only person I really give an exception to is Kristine. I try to get there first, but if I don't, I'll usually comment anyway. It was the same way with Jonathan. I used to comment on nearly all of his poems, no matter who had beaten me to the punch.

I never have much to say, anyhow, so I'm sure this is no one's loss.

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Submission
10/25/2003 06:39 p.m.
That word makes me think about sex. Too bad this isn't about sex, would be more interesting.

I've only ever submitted my poetry anywhere twice, both times at Stirring, and they rejected me both times. So I'm rather hesitant to submit anywhere again, even though sometimes I think I should. Not to Stirring, because, obviously they don't like my poetry, but there's a whole world of e-zines out there, and I've never tried my luck with any of them.

I just don't like that gutpunch feeling that comes with rejection. And I know that I'll be rejected, so why set myself up for that type of thing?

I should totally stop being a crybaby and just go for it, but the fear that has a strangle hold on almost everyting I do won't let me forget that I'll probably be rejected and I'm just being a hopeful fucknut for every trying.

My mind does not reward optimism. It scoffs at and picks on it like a playground bully.

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Before it runs down my legs.
10/21/2003 03:44 a.m.
I want to write a poem about menstruation called "Shiney Happy Blood Clots".

You know, because.

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Started a Zine
10/17/2003 07:56 p.m.
I started a zine. If you're reading this, click the link below, check it out, and submit a poem.

Strange Fruit Poetry Zine

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It truly amazes me...
10/13/2003 06:59 p.m.
...that some people, from what I've read and have been told, think that anyone who left on "Black Friday" and has since decided to rejoin, probably came back with some kind of act of sabotage in mind.

Um, no.

It's been six months. Six months in which I've had time to not care about the stuff that happened back in March. Hell, I had time to not care like a week after it happened. So, some of the people around here have opinions that I disagree with. I disagree with most people. So a lot of my friends left. I still talk to them, just not on this website, so there's no reason to be bitter. I don't care about that stuff anymore. Why should I? What reason is there to assume that I do?

What exactly would be the point, of coming back, six months later, under your own name, and starting trouble? If I had some sort of retarded sense of vengeance, I would have rejoined as soon as possible, under an assumed name. I have no idea what I would have been doing. I can't imagine what these people think that rejoins are going to do that's going to cause so much trouble. Post poems with foul language in the titles? Argue in forums? What's the equivalent of a literary pipe bomb around here?

The bottom line for me is, I like this site. I was a member of it for a year and a half before I quit, and when I did, it wasn't long before I started to miss being a member. I didn't automatically start hating the site and wanting to see it crumble when I quit. I don't know of anyone who did.

It's not my fault if other people are paranoid, so I'm just going to go on about my business. My advice to them is, if you're looking for someone who might make trouble, look at someone else, and if you don't, then you're just wasting your time.
I am currently Amazed

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