Nothing (but you).
07/21/2003 08:05 a.m.
I feel as though my creativity has off and run away - the only lines that come to me are few, and loosely tied together.

My flow has flown and my mind is numb, but things are remarkably comfortable.

I'm still here.
I am currently Bleh
I am listening to Johnny Rzeznik - I'm Still Here

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do you. . ?
07/05/2003 05:55 p.m.
I feel so bitter, 'cause you left me here, and I just can't comprehend how you fins happiness in other company, because I'm always torn in two. Alone for so long, and now these memories are hitting me at full throttle; my comfort has been rendered incoherent. My tears are falling with a burning sensation as I type this out, tonight.

My mind is raped by no one, but destroyed by itself, daily. You think my behavior is irrational, but I think, just maybe, you fail to comprehend the functions that take place inside my head. You've never felt the total obliviating feeling of complete loneliness. You've never had your world turned upside down in a matter of instants; a piece of information from someone who may as well have been a stranger; I never flaunted him in your face.

I'm clinging to this blanket in the hopes your scent still lingers, while you're out amongst your friends and I am in here crying rivers. I'm hoping my anxiety, and these feelings of neglect are simply pointless, mindless, nothingness (I'll try to just forget).

I'd fall of the edge of the world, and slit my wrists in the fall (just for you), but tonight, I'm sitting here all alone.

You're out having fun.

I am currently Detached
I am listening to Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah

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there are times. . .
07/04/2003 03:05 a.m.
My first impression on this community, and I hope it's one of influence - but this apathetic oblivion is making it difficult to breathe. I feel as though I'm locked up tight in a cell with many windows (but the windows only mirror all the pain I've had to see).

I worked this morning/afternoon, and nothing was really a delight. . .I was trapped in my mind, and nostalgia whipped me - depression rode in on her cavalry mount, and decimated the troops I have for reinforcement.

Memory, after memory, and all the emotions were ling'ring behind. . . Her face was imprinted on the back of my eyelids, the face of my mind, and inside of my anger.

I just about broke down - she just about broke in; but then love came and swept me away.

And I came home to change out of my uniform.
I am currently Apathetic
I am listening to Matchbox Twenty - Bright Lights

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