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The Journal of Susan Q Tomas

testing one two three
05/01/2011 12:52 p.m.
Hmmm. Can't seem to do anything on pathetic. Hopefully I have not been terminated.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to birds singing their morning songs.

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A Quote from a sermon
08/31/2010 01:42 p.m.
"The real measure of your wealth is what you are worth when you've lost all your money."
I am currently Peaceful
I am listening to birds singing their morning songs.

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Yes, I am still alive.
05/14/2010 05:09 p.m.
Just letting you all know I still do exist.
I am currently Anxious

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A quote from a book
10/20/2009 06:41 p.m.
"How do you negotiate once you've offered everything? " A line from EAT, PRAY, LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert.

This is relevant to my last divorce, from the same man. Yes, I am an idiot. Against all advice, I remarried the same man.
I am currently Clueless
I am listening to Boy Kill Boy

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I will be OK
09/29/2009 05:21 p.m.
I have the tools and I am using them to get healthy again. By the grace of Yahweh, I will continue using these tools.
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to Damian Rice

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09/26/2009 12:17 p.m.
It is a word I created. Xenophobia: fear and hatred of strangers or foreigners or of anything that is strange or foreign. The opposite of phobia is mania.

I am crazy about people and things that are different from me. I am Slovakian, Christian, and a pacifist. Yet I wear a sari, an outfit from Nepal, and I recently purchased a kimono. My favorite food is crab legs, but I make really good hummus and make a mean matzo ball soup.

In college I dated a Rastafarian, then had a boyfriend for several years who had a subscription to “Soldier of Fortune” before meeting my husband (soon to be ex-husband) who is Jewish.

I speak poor Spanish and even poorer French. I am a Christian, but I practice Zen meditation, and pray before meals in Hebrew. Buddhism and pure (non-cultural) Islam intrigues me. I have been to a dozen countries in my lifetime, and traveling internationally is one of my favorite things.

I am a Xenomaniac.

I am currently Fabulous
I am listening to Concrete Blonde

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The homeless know
11/28/2007 04:38 a.m.

This isnt an amazing story, but it is a true account of what happened to me last week. Also, I dont mean to talk about giving money to the needy. I keep my good deeds to myself so that I dont get rewarded here on earth. God sees all things hidden good and bad.

Anyway, I was sent one of those chain emails, a Chicken Soup For the Soul type stories about some woman who bought breakfast for some poor men who only had enough money for one cup of coffee between the two of them. And in this story, the woman gave them their breakfast trays and told them how much Jesus loves them and is providing for them through her. Then you were suppose to pass it two 3 people to get your wish eventually, 5 people to get your wish in a week . . . yadda yadda yadda. I dont usually participate in passing on such things. I believe in God, his plan is not always my plan, and passing on an email to a certain number of people wont do anything to change that.

However, the message I did get from this story was to point to God as the source of all, even the Egg McMuffin given to you by a stranger. I know when someone is begging for money, I am suppose to give them some. God gave it to me one way or another, and I need to pass along the blessing. But I never say Here, this is from God Or God loves you Sometimes I say God bless you, but not always. I need to remember to give the glory to God.

Last week I was running an errand for work when I was approached by a woman. She said she needed $2.50 to ride the bus to the drivers license place to get a picture I.D. so she could receive aid from some rescue mission . . . I took out my wallet (carefully), looked in it, and said I only had $1.50 and handed it to her. I was lying, but I wanted to save my quarters for my laundry. Well, God gave me a shove, my purse dropped and quarters went spilling out on the sidewalk. The woman said, Oh please can I have the change? As I was picking the coins up and handing them to her she was praising God. Oh Jesus loves me, she cried, oh thank you God. I was to busy feeling like an ass for my lie being discovered to point to God as the source of her divine providence. But now I realize, she already knew, and was already thanking Jesus. What do beggars and homeless people say 95% of the time you give them money? God bless you. They know.

I am currently Reflective
I am listening to silence

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Today Is Not For Dreaming
08/13/2007 05:05 p.m.
I've been thinking, dreaming, and hoping
which has brought me to today.

But today is not for dreaming.
I am thinking of a past vow I made, and broke today.
I can not picture my future today. It is clouded.
No need to put on makeup, it will be washed away by tears.
Today will not be spent thinking of the future.
Today will not be spent thinking of the past.
Today will be spent thinking about today.

Tonight I will take out the stinking garbage.
It will never disappear, just be taken away
to a land fill with everyone else's garbage.
To sit, rot, and be forgotten.

There will be a tomorrow, and days to come.
And as always, I have hope in tomorrow.

I am currently Detached

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I find comfort
08/02/2007 02:51 p.m.
Ive heard the phrase to find comfort in blab la bla Especially in insurance adverts. Youll find comfort in knowing your family will be taken care of But today I actually found comfort. I was at work, typing up the liturgy for a funeral, when I heard peeping outside the window. I looked out and saw a male cardinal (the bird, not the Papal Assistant kind I work for an Episcopal cathedral, we dont have Cardinals, only Bishops, Priests & Deacons) Yes a bright red chirping cardinal bird hopping around outside me window. Watching him filled my heart with cheer. A few feet away on a wooden bench, there were 4 cats, all curled up around each other creating a big, squishy ball of kitty. One lifted its head, regarded the cardinal, then dozed off to sleep again in the morning sun.

For a minute or two, I was right there with them, drowsy and relaxed in the morning sun, watching a colorful cardinal flitting around. I found comfort. There is was.

Now I am back at work, typing & answering questions. But I can still hear that cardinal, and I know where comfort is.

I am currently Content
I am listening to KBCO

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Drunk in Dublin
07/28/2007 08:53 p.m.
Riverdance of postcard pens
I am currently Cool
I am listening to silence ahhhhhh

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